Inland Empire

Attention LA and OC: Avoid the IE. This is no place for a worldly sophisticate such as yourself. You do not want to spend your weekends clogging our freeways with your exodus back to your rich white friends and Antarctic/Borneoan fusion cuisine. Not that the IE isn't entirely white - of course it is! People of other ethnicities don't move here to escape perceived racism and economic segregation in LA. That's not something that resulted in a major news story or anything like that...us folk is as lilypure as Ol' Alabammy. You can't find decent Mexican food here because Mexican immigrants and their descendants don't live here. Well, they do sometimes manage to sneak around our rabid dog patrols, but they aren't located in convenient enclaves where the nouveau riche descendants of Okies can slum it and brag about their courageous cultural enrichment in the barrio. In the IE, those people aren't just your ordinary neighbors...nope, because it's nothing but toothless peckerwoods around here. And boy, does it get HOT! Summer is hot, which is like totally weird and you can't be expected to suffer discomfort and where are you supposed to yogasurf?? And your friends can't call you in Riverslime because they keep dialing '909' and the call won't go through for some reason. So just turn your Land Rover around and keep spewing your pollutants in your own overpopulated backyard...all of your filth eventually gets blown here anyway.

"The Inland Empire housing market is rebounding, so slumlord leeches from LA and OC should look elsewhere in their quest to keep up with the Kardashians."

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