the turtle is sniffing the cotton

A statement made when one urgently needs to take a large dump. This is a visual reference referring to a piece of feces (the turtle) hanging out of the rectum, and "sniffing" one's underpants. This can also can be used to describe the moments prior to soiling yourself.

Brad: "Hey Alice, let's go have sex!"
Alice: "Hell no, after eating that egg salad the turtle is sniffing the cotton"

Carl: "Forget the roller coaster guys, the turtle is sniffing the cotton"

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douche roar

The loud scream emanating from an alpha male douchebag while lifting weights. This is done for the sole purpose of attracting attention and hopefully impressing those around him with his strength and commitment to large biceps.

Jim let out a piercing douche roar at the end of his 10th set of bicep curls.

tard tracks

The fecal matter of a mentally handicapped individual found unflushed in a grade school toilet. Important note: often, tard tracks are inappropriately left in a urinal instead of an actual toilet.

I needed to go to the bathroom badly but chose to wait after realizing I'd be pissing on huge, unflushable tard tracks.