topiaristic

Adj. 1. To embody the quality of topiary

2. To behave as a topiarist

1. The bulbous, defined shape of your hair is topiaristic.
2. When the stylist cut my hair, they painstakingly detailed it in a topiaristic manner.

Seagull

To quickly rush in, gobble food, defecate, and rush off.

Did you see how quickly Dave seagulled through here last night?

2👍 1👎

lucretheist

(n) one who worships only money; a term coined by Woody Guthrie

Those fat cats on Wall Street are lucretheists.

3👍 1👎

yidlife crisis

The Jewish struggle of identity that we battle between each other and within ourselves. It's a struggle as old as that between God and Jonah, Abraham and Moses, Hillel and Shammai, Jiggin and Schumacher, and now Elman and Batalion.

My mother and I had a YidLife Crisis when she saw me eat a Lifesaver while fasting on Yom Kippur. My argument was that it was medical because my breath smelled like gedempte. Besides, I didn't enjoy it because it came from the bottom of my pocketbook and was covered in schmutz. It was grey!

contempathy

n. Contempt immediately followed by empathy, as coined by Marc Maron in his stand-up comedy special More Later.

I don't even know what it was, but my brain just went, "Fuck that guy," but then like two seconds later my brain just went, "Aw, he's sad." My contempathy for him was strong.

shiksacity

n. the audacity of shiksas

Ryleigh had the shiksacity to throw her toddler a seder themed birthday party just because the kid's birthday is during Passover.

vampwich

n. A subgenre of vampire fan fiction in which two vampires are in a group sexual situation with a (usually) human character. It originated with stories about Bill, Sookie, and Eric from The Southern Vampire Mysteries/True Blood.

That fic had some hot vampwich action.