Paid Heavy

A recruited physically-muscular and/or armed individual, or group of individuals, usually sent to collect a debt, threaten, attack, or otherwise intimidate another individual or group of people into some form of concession.

"Either the police will find and deal with him, OR, I'll find him myself and send some paid heavy around to deal with him."

take a lag

To 'take a lag' means to go to jail.

"He better hope the cops get to him first 'coz I'll happily take a lag to fuck him up myself!"

Vantablack Comedy

One of the darkest forms of comedy known, Vantablack Comedy absorbs up to 99.965% of audiences' collective dignity.

"But I thought you liked dark comedy, Mum? Did you at least enjoy the holocaust jokes?"
"Brian, that wasn't dark comedy, that was VANTABLACK comedy!"

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