Toddler-Man

The appearance of the Toddler-man is most likely the result of low social standards and the slipshod ideals of what is known as “casual living.” The Toddler man can be observed at all levels of western society but is most obvious at the middle class level, where he is apparently flourishing.

His core sense of being makes an appearance as basic physical slothfulness – a roly-poly shape, pot belly in evidence, accented by a disheveled or minimalist hairstyle. He often has a growth of five-o’clock facial moss which acts as an inaccurate but perpetual sundial of ingrown masculinity.

The clothing ranges from shabby to neat, but expresses itself from a strict menu of t-shirts (with snide and clever illustrations or geeky retro references on them), jeans, and tennis shoes. This shapeless uniform is the footed pajama set of the Toddler Man.

Any engagements outside of this small world must involve stimulation of the ego or quick satisfaction; otherwise he cannot bring himself to make the effort to leave his “crib” of submissive self-importance. There is safety in being the only one in the winner’s circle.

As he grows older he will become even more attached to and crawl further into his little “womb” of coddled protection. Sadly, some of the more crude attributes of “Toddlerism” are now associated with “being a guy”, and are now encouraged and celebrated by men as a whole.

The appearance of the "Toddler-Man" during the past 20 years is proof that the world may very well be going to hell in a Heineken.

Movies perfectly depicting the Toddler-Man: The Big Labowski; Men Who Stare at Goats; It's Complicated; Chocolate; Burn After Reading . . . and too many others to list.

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