lexington

A town of about 200,000 people who possess the mental and cultural capacity to appreciate only three things: 1) college basketball, 2) horse racing, and 3) themsevles.

A kind of pseudo-Southern-gentility exists among the town's wealthy elite, trickling down into the abhorent, God-fearing middle class, 90% of which have locked themselves in gated suburbia if only to avoid any contact with a massive population of the working poor.

Originally, Lexington was setlled in 1784 by syphillitic Baptists fleeing the emerging metropolis of Louisville. Once settled, the town wasted no time in developing a foundation for its primary export: horses. The elitie gentry that resulted from a rash of illegal land claims moved quickly to establish this fledgling industry by breeding these animals with a vigor that would not be seen again until Adolf Hitler defined his genetic criteria for a "master race".

Eventually, this equine-frenzy resulted in the creation of a quasi-Satanic horse cult. Rituals were held on Keeneland, the town's sole horse track, and virgin sacrifces coincided with the wxing and waning of the moon. Word of these murders and assorted acts of bestiality spread, and eventually a local militia arrived to occupy city hall. To this day, the hereditary effects of syphillis and ritual animal sodomy are celebrated twice a year with races held at Keeneland.

During the Civil War, while Kentucky was split over its allegiances, Lexingtonians decided it would be a good idea to fight for slavery. After all, who's gonna look after them horses, eh?

Currently, the town is on the verge of becoming a prime example of the effects of suburban sprawl, as the downtown area (despite a minor resurgence) is slowly being atrophied via the intense land-raping commercial development occurring on Lexington's periphery. By 2020, the town will look like a series of strip malls.

An aside: Lexingtonians generally dislike Louisville. Reasons for this remian unclear (especially when one takes into consideration Louisville's greater cultural and recreational opportunities not exclusive to the upper-class, abundance of drugs at fair prices, and overall greater sense of progress, among others)... Yet many believe it all boils down to the issue of Louisville's college basketball team stealing the coach from Lexington's basketball team.

Yes, that's right, and they are a sad people because of it. But I guess that's syphillis for you.

1. I'm from Lexington, Kentucky, and you guessed it: I'm a douchebag.

2. Of course I'll eat perform analingus on a mare, for the simple reason that hail from Lexington, Kentucky.

3. John decided he would move to Lexington, Kentucky, because he was a total failure of a human being.

4. When I think of spending my life in a cesspool of existential dread while a cannibal disembowels me with a spoon, I think of Lexington, Kentucky.

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