cretin creep

Infiltration of a website by retards; the process whereby a website's increasing popularity renders it useless.

Message boards and other pages relying on user interaction for content are gradually overwhelmed by flame wars, online games are deserted but for those players using bots and sites where users rate films or games become an exercise in pointlessness as teenage boys trundle through giving zero or full marks apparently at random. The original audience will become sick of this and move on. Swift and rigorous action by moderators (see mod) can help to counter cretin creep but often is more trouble than it's worth. Also twat creep, ass creep.

Popbitch is a textbook example of twat creep.

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drillcore

Demented, boundary-pushing form of Metal, played at speeds so extreme that the guitars sound like power tools.

"The Mariah Carey single? No, she went all drillcore, it's mad. I'm lying, it's exactly like the last one. Ass."

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necronomicon

A volume of arcane and occult knowledge featured in the horror stories of H P Lovecraft. Though he made reference to some genuine texts, the "unmentionable Necronomicon of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred" was entirely his invention. Throughout the Fifties and Sixties his books gained such a following among college students that numerous hoax versions were produced, drawing heavily on his own Cthulhu fiction and the writings of Aleister Crowley.

"You've got a Necronomicon? Woo, I'm impressed. *opens it* You'll notice that turning this diagram upside-down actually displays the Arabic for PROFESSOR CARLING BLOWS GOATS."

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tumbleweed moment

The sudden stunned silence that falls on a room after a person says something stupid, unfunny or offensive. Refers to the tumbleweed featured in cowboy movies.

"...until Mrs Bush leant across to ask Condoleeza whether black men really did have bigger ones. The President broke the tumbleweed moment by declaring war on France."

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tumbleweed

Dusty aggregation of plant matter rolled along the ground by the desert wind. A cliche of Western movies, emphasising silence or stillness, e.g. as the hero rides into an apparently deserted frontier town. Often used in connection with the death of a conversation after one participant unwittingly reveals that they are a moron. See also tumbleweed moment.

"But then Katie made a singularly unfunny cancer joke..."
"Ah. Tumbleweed?"
"Yeah."

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shockaroonie

Phrase associated with disgraced Scottish soccer player Frank McAvennie, and delivered in mock-amazement at something not remotely surprising.

"Tom Cruise? Gay? Shockaroonie..."

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ftp

A tla sprayed on walls by neds to express their animosity toward the authorities. Sometimes extended to F T Polis. In Protestant areas can also signify a lack of respect for the leader of the Catholic church.

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