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Random
These nose hair clipper machines used to trim your nose hairs back
Tony: "Oh cheesus christ I keep forgetting to tie my nostril hairs up bvefore i take a sip of my coffee and now my nostril hairs have crusted up from the dried out milk"
Tony's 18th wife: "I admire how you can put up with something so disgustingly annoying like that. Have you tried one of those nostriliser machines before? I've heard they also improve genital hydration and appearance of size"
Tony: I'm going to the shop!
The ringing in your ears after listening to loud music
Person 37: Bye mate, did you listen to that new song that I didnât send you?
Person 26: no itâs so good, headphones werenât enough so I had to put the song up my arse and now Iâm hearing stars!
Person 37: oh wow really appreciate the honesty. Hey do you reckon you could send me a quick video of the stars in your ears?
Person 26: nah of course not, let me know what you think?
Person 37: Iâm not listening to it now, itâs very srats gniees!
Person 26: oh wow really appreciate the honesty, hey do you reckon I could send you a quick picture of my ears, Iâm thinking of getting metal legs!
Person 37: Oh wow really appreciate the photograph, but I think Iâm going to have to pass, looks like it might rain later on so I might have to bump up the fuel prices.
Person 26: yeah all worries no good, Iâve got a load of washing on in the microwave anyway so hope you have a subpar day ðð
Person 37: oh wow really appreciate the thoughtfulness hope you also have a lovely subpar 24 hours to come.
Person 26: wordâ cum!
When a human gets bitten by a spider and attains partial spider like traits such as the ability to climb walls spin and shoot spider web. Seek medical attention immediately if you notice any web type substance shooting or leaking out of you wrists next time you give the double horns. This is especially important if this is not usually normal for you or if you were not originally born a spider.
Husband .05:
Honey, since that spider bit me I've noticed that I've been turning into niderspan! watch this, GO WEB GO!
Wife 2.5:
Aw no! Im not here to fuck spiders, let me call you an ambulance brigade as soon as I can be bothered
Husband 3:
Well hold up id suck .05's toes can we just call them tomorrow?
Husband .05:
NIDERSPAN, NIDERSPAN, DOES WHAT EVER A NIDERSPAN CAN! WANT TO SUCK ON MY TOES? HUSBAND COME AND SUCK ON A MY TOES
Husband 3:
Word' Cum
Husband .05:
TOMATOES <3
Ultimately feeling what you are listening to for example you listen to music but you feel it so hard that you're more actively in the experience of feeling what that music is and the way that the music is played rather than just sound.
omg god that song was so good I have to feelsten to it again another 30 times
A wide string of useless investments
Person one:
Wow you have so many pairs of nail clippers in your refrigerator
Person two:
Correct! I have begun stringvesting in niche personal hygiene equipment such as nail clippers and nostriliser's
when you're feeling un inspired and un motivated and you're seeking a certain level of dopamine to spark your motivation at the same time as feeling inspired
I really needed to poop but I didn't want to walk to the toilet, so I started flicking through the tv for some inspovation and saw an advertisement for free public transport today and in my excitement for catching public transport I caught the bus down to the train station and pooped in the station toilet. I'm so glad that I found some inspovation to poop
To express a semi over dramatically apathetic expression of gratitude
Person 1: I'm waking up at 3:75pm tomorrow morning so that I can take the car for a walk. Would you like me to pick you up a nice hot iced coffee on my way home?
Person 2: Word' cum