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Random
These nose hair clipper machines used to trim your nose hairs back
Tony: "Oh cheesus christ I keep forgetting to tie my nostril hairs up bvefore i take a sip of my coffee and now my nostril hairs have crusted up from the dried out milk"
Tony's 18th wife: "I admire how you can put up with something so disgustingly annoying like that. Have you tried one of those nostriliser machines before? I've heard they also improve genital hydration and appearance of size"
Tony: I'm going to the shop!
To express a semi over dramatically apathetic expression of gratitude
Person 1: I'm waking up at 3:75pm tomorrow morning so that I can take the car for a walk. Would you like me to pick you up a nice hot iced coffee on my way home?
Person 2: Word' cum
When you suffer to a high degree of complexity in a sophisticated kind of way.
After a long hard frustrating day at work Steven decided to treat her self to about 13 glasses of red wine, even though earlier that day she had completely chopped every single one of her fingers off with a cheese greater. She is a delightfully suffersticated type of human (questionable) as she elegantly she cant even hold her glass of wine due to having no fingers, but at least she still gets to enjoy suffering in a sophisticated kind of way :)
Ultimately feeling what you are listening to for example you listen to music but you feel it so hard that you're more actively in the experience of feeling what that music is and the way that the music is played rather than just sound.
omg god that song was so good I have to feelsten to it again another 30 times
When a human gets bitten by a spider and attains partial spider like traits such as the ability to climb walls spin and shoot spider web. Seek medical attention immediately if you notice any web type substance shooting or leaking out of you wrists next time you give the double horns. This is especially important if this is not usually normal for you or if you were not originally born a spider.
Husband .05:
Honey, since that spider bit me I've noticed that I've been turning into niderspan! watch this, GO WEB GO!
Wife 2.5:
Aw no! Im not here to fuck spiders, let me call you an ambulance brigade as soon as I can be bothered
Husband 3:
Well hold up id suck .05's toes can we just call them tomorrow?
Husband .05:
NIDERSPAN, NIDERSPAN, DOES WHAT EVER A NIDERSPAN CAN! WANT TO SUCK ON MY TOES? HUSBAND COME AND SUCK ON A MY TOES
Husband 3:
Word' Cum
Husband .05:
TOMATOES <3
The ringing in your ears after listening to loud music
Person 37: Bye mate, did you listen to that new song that I didn’t send you?
Person 26: no it’s so good, headphones weren’t enough so I had to put the song up my arse and now I’m hearing stars!
Person 37: oh wow really appreciate the honesty. Hey do you reckon you could send me a quick video of the stars in your ears?
Person 26: nah of course not, let me know what you think?
Person 37: I’m not listening to it now, it’s very srats gniees!
Person 26: oh wow really appreciate the honesty, hey do you reckon I could send you a quick picture of my ears, I’m thinking of getting metal legs!
Person 37: Oh wow really appreciate the photograph, but I think I’m going to have to pass, looks like it might rain later on so I might have to bump up the fuel prices.
Person 26: yeah all worries no good, I’ve got a load of washing on in the microwave anyway so hope you have a subpar day 💕💕
Person 37: oh wow really appreciate the thoughtfulness hope you also have a lovely subpar 24 hours to come.
Person 26: word’ cum!
A wide string of useless investments
Person one:
Wow you have so many pairs of nail clippers in your refrigerator
Person two:
Correct! I have begun stringvesting in niche personal hygiene equipment such as nail clippers and nostriliser's