the paper

Shorthand for newspaper. Bet you thought it was something else. Get your head out of the gutter, bro.

You read the paper? No? Bet you can't even read.

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phone abyss

When your phone is lost to the point of no return, like underneath a seat in a car.

"Dude, I can't find my phone anywhere!"
"Bro, did you check the phone abyss?"

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srsbzns

Short for serious business. Also spelled as "srs bzns" if you want to get fancy and all

Person A - School's out.
Person B - ORLY?
Person A - YARLY.
Person B - bullshit.
Person A - Srsbzns. Check the news, smart one.
Person B - My bad.

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