Glockford

Nickname for Rockford, Illinois, due to the high crime rate. 14.5 out of every 1000 people will be victim of a violent crime. You can’t turn on the news without hearing about some shooting or robbery. It seems as if once you cross the bridge in rockford to the west side, the ghettoness increases exponentially.

Guy #1: “hey i live in glockford”
Guy #2: “oh so you’re gonna be murdered in a few years?”
Guy #1: “yep that’s the plan”

8👍 2👎

Leaner

(Leen-er) Adj. A derrogerory term towards a male, often an unpopular one.

Leaner: minecraft anime manga hogwarts
Me: what a leaner

colossal shit

a shit so enormous that most men don't live to tell the tale, although the ones that do usually lose most of their internal organs

I remember the day I took a colossal shit. my liver and lower intestine came out of me and so did 2 quarts of blood. they had to surgically remove my anus to let the shit come out. I am lucky to be alive today

9👍 1👎

End Zone

For those who daringly make it out of the friend zone, a task for only few people. If they make it out, they make it out of the friend zone, they made it to the end zone. An award second only to the congressional medal of honor

Guy 1: Dude i totally made it out of the friend zone and into the end zone! That bitch really made me work for it though, damn.

Girl 1: You realize you said that all to me right, your girlfriend?

22👍 5👎

FMS

No, it does not mean fuck me sideways. Nor does it mean fuck my school. It stands for Flight Management System. It’s what the pilots use to calculate weight and balance, performa- wait shit people did you really fucking define this as “fuck me sideways”? really? who says this? whoever wrote that, if you’re on my flight, i’m kicking you off and plugging one less passenger into the FMS.

“hey captain, i think we gotta do a max performance takeoff today still. what’s the FMS saying?”
“oh sorry, i was fucking a girl sideways, what were you saying?”

2👍 2👎

cum blasted lobster loads

Cr1tikal’s way of jizzing into the females he seduces.

“You hear me ladies? Cum blasted lobster loads.”

4👍 1👎

Two scoops for the price of one

When you flip a man’s(or woman if you ready for sexual harassment charges) titties with both hands at once

Oh my! Two scoops for the price of one!