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Toothbrush Proctology is a revolutionary new procedure where your doctor checks up your anus for interior hemmorhoids using a toothbrush
Yeah dude my doctor had to use toothbrush proctology in my yearly exam to check for any problems. Wait a minute. What do you mean there is no such procedure? Oh crap then why did I like it so much? So should I call a lawyer or schedule another appointment for tomorrow? Its covered by my insurance you know.
2π 4π
The lowering of an entire generation of IQs by offering a television offering that is the adult version of teletubbies. Woo! I'm showing my fake boobs! Woo! Now the boys will like me!
The Girls Gone Wild videos represent the further MTVification of American Culture
49π 12π
This is what you tell your daughter when she says she's never had sex yet.
"Well Princess, if a man ejaculates in your presence with your permission, consent, or active participation, you just had sex."
If your son says something similar the slight variation is "did you ejaculate in the presence of...etc
Insertion Exemption: Any consensual insertion of penis or penis like object into a bodily oriface can qualify as sex too.
Man: "Honey I'm home from work and stopped at a peep show but don't worry I didn't have sex. I didn't masterbate to completion because I was too drunk from my 5 martini lunch.
Wife: "You What!!!!!!?"
Man: "Its OK, Urban Dictionary says the Urban Dictionary says that this doesn't qualify as the Definition of Sex"
Alternate Example:
Daughter: "I'm still a virgin cause I have my cherry. I only let my boyfriend ass hump me
Father: "You are one sick pup, Princess"
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Though this might surprise you Army Football is one of the most storied franchises in college football. During the 1940's turnouts at Notre Dame / Army football games in New York city were over 100,000 at the old polo grounds. They are the owners of a number of undefeated seasons and two national championships. They have produced three Heisman trophy winners. Vince Lombardi was an assistant coach at Army. Army's current coach is Bobby Ross, who took the San Diego Chargers to the Super Bowl. Notre Dame's Rockne Gymnasium has the Army Academy crest inscribed on the side as a sign of their respect for their war time service.
Army's traditional rival is Navy, whose nationally televised game is normally shown on whatever weekend the more popular teams don't happen to be playing (typically early Dec). Its a decent draw, normally played in Giants Stadium, JFK in philadelphia, or one year head scratchingly in the Rose Bowl
Modern recruiting and the requirement of a service obligation after graduation has now unfortunately reduced Army Football to a laughingstock of the CFL. (Which some recent bright spots... close losses to Alabama and Auburn in bowl games) At one point they set a record of losses in college football by going 0-13.
Have to give some credit to Army Football guys though cause they have to attend class, have to take their own tests, and have to do all the crummy stuff the other academy guys do.
I don't know how in the heck Navy football pulls off these good teams lately and good for them! But Navy seems to get the media breaks. They get Top Gun, Army gets Blackhawk down. They get Navy Seals and Army gets an ESPN movie about the Army Football cheating scandal!
Contrary to what you might have seen on MASH, nobody in the real Navy or Army give a crap about the Army / Navy game unless they are former players. Days off are given for the Super Bowl in the Army, not the Army/Navy game... what does that tell you.
Army Football sure has stunk for a long time but lets face it, they should be in the Patriot league Division 1AA.
"I need a man for a tough and dangerous mission, I want a West Point Football Player" -- Some famous WW2 general (caveat- he was an alum)
Props to Texas A&M, Notre Dame, The Citadel, Norwich, Air Force, and VMI for their fine record of military service in our nation's wars
38π 22π
A cult formed by a bunch of guys who said "Dude, wouldn't it be cool if we could pass around each others daughters and hump them? Of course to do this correctly we would need multiple wives and encourage lots of child bearing so at least a few hot girls would come out of it. Oh yeah and we have to brainwash these chicks from birth that god says you have to marry and have sex with Uncle Phil"
This cult was literally so repulsive and dangerous that it was driven out of every community they tried to settle in until they had to go to the closest unsettled place that would take them (Utah)
For cult members the Mormon people sure seem real nice though
186π 204π
Drinking the cheap beer or wine at home or in your car in the parking lot to catch a buzz before buying the expensive booze at the club
Q: What time you wanna head out?
A: I dunno, lets Pre-Beer it around 8 pm
5π 5π
A form of government that sounds fair (like sharing your leftover sandwich with some bum on the street) but often is just hijacked by a small group of elites who promise that the poor lazy types will get to take the property and wealth of the enterprising rich types. In the end history records them as jagoffs: Stalin, Castro, Kim Il Sung, Mao Tse Tug, Ho Chi Minh were all "Communists" that in real life were probably among the richest people on earth... now how could that possibly happen in a "Communist" country?
Communism makes people feel compassion for their fellow man but there has yet to be a TRUE Communist state even attempted. Though to be honest if I were in a TRUE Communist state I sure wouldn't work very hard, cause really, why should I? I'm owed stuff by my Communist government. Gimme!
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