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Someone who, by choice, doesn't venture out of the suburbs. Like, ever.
"Don't bother calling him; he won't go to the show. It's downtown, and he's terrified of hipsters and the lack of parking. He's become a real suburmit."
An unfollowed link or unopened e-mail attachment that may or may not be porn. The only way to find out is to follow the link or open the attachment.
"That girl from the bar last night sent me some mpegs of her stripping." "Have you watched them yet?" "No, it's still Schrödinger's porn. For all I know it could just be a rickroll."
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a divorcee (usually over the age of thirty) who has taken to hanging out in cafes and bars specifically to pick up young men of artistic or literary pretensions, i.e. hipsters.
"Where did Christy pick up that twiggy hipster with the glasses?" "Probably downtown at the Irony Cafe, where all the cougsters go to score fresh meat."
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