turd polish

to spin, embellish, spin, puff, enhance, enrich, exaggerate, gild and generally lie like a motherfucker about something to make it seem better and more desirable than it really is

you: "man, you should have seen the girl I fucked last night. she was smokin' hot and craving my johnson juice."
me: "what a load of turd polish asswipe. I did see her. what a toothless skank whore."
you: "well, you can't have everything."
me: "well, i guess it is better than nothing. what's her number?"

Conventional Wisdom:
"you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of shit."

56👍 7👎

TB

two bellies i.e. having two abdominal viscera, two stomachs, dual spare tires, double guts, plentiful paunch... generally a fat lard ass

Hawg: shit, here comes karen, she's really let herself go after she got married.
Dawg: yeah, she done got TB.
Hawg: looks like two pounds of sausage in a one pound bag.
Dawg: lets find a fold and fuck it.
Hawg: me first.
Karen: hey boys...

54👍 35👎

prison poker

getting fucked in the asshole in jail, what a new or weaker inmate can expect to play daily without consent, usually right after a little tonsil tickling from a sexually perverted inmate(s), forced to at first but gives it up quietly after the first 50 or 60 times, can also expect to play with multiple partners several times a day while guards ignore what's going on

billy bob: "hey bubba, fresh fish"
bubba: "ungh, we needs some fresh hole"
billy bob: "me first this time"
bubba: "bullshit, everybody knows i always get the first hand in prison poker"
billy bob: "uh, ok, hey fish, face down, ass up"
bubba: "ungh, ungh, ungh"

45👍 5👎

quattro cinco

the spanish word for four people (usually hispanics, but not necessarily so) drowning in quicksand

me: "Yo, heard there was another quattro cinco last night."
you: "Ain't it a bitch"
me: "I'm hungry, how 'bout mexican?"
you: "Dude, I'm fo sum o dat."

55👍 5👎

johnson family jewels

the sack of stones attached to a johnson, the balls on a dick

"ouch, that soccer guy just took one in the johnson family jewels."

--also, every episode of america's funniest videos includes at least one guy getting whacked in the johnson family jewels by a kid with a baseball bat, golf club, a kid swinging at a pinata, or some other predictable manner

46👍 6👎

plugging

when a girl is menstruating and acting kinda bitchy, like she's pms or worse; also if her face is broken out when it is not normally

Damn, what's up with Deb this morning? She must be plugging.

Shit, my face is broken out for my big hook up with Alan. I hope he knows I'm plugging.

90👍 135👎

turd locker

the nether regions inside your ass, a rest stop on the long and winding dirt road, the tollbooth on the hershey highway, a wide spot on bowel boulevard, the parking lot on poop parkway, the rail yard for trains on the track, probably just your bowels or intestines...

girl: you want me to eat your ass before I give you the stroke and choke?
me: yeah baby, but watch out for stinky pickles, I need to empty my turd locker.

78👍 15👎