johnson family jewels

the sack of stones attached to a johnson, the balls on a dick

"ouch, that soccer guy just took one in the johnson family jewels."

--also, every episode of america's funniest videos includes at least one guy getting whacked in the johnson family jewels by a kid with a baseball bat, golf club, a kid swinging at a pinata, or some other predictable manner

46👍 5👎

turd locker

the nether regions inside your ass, a rest stop on the long and winding dirt road, the tollbooth on the hershey highway, a wide spot on bowel boulevard, the parking lot on poop parkway, the rail yard for trains on the track, probably just your bowels or intestines...

girl: you want me to eat your ass before I give you the stroke and choke?
me: yeah baby, but watch out for stinky pickles, I need to empty my turd locker.

78👍 15👎

high beams

hard, protruding, erect, very visible nipples as seen through blouse or top

Man, did you see that hot bitch? She had her high beams on!

204👍 34👎

quattro cinco

the spanish word for four people (usually hispanics, but not necessarily so) drowning in quicksand

me: "Yo, heard there was another quattro cinco last night."
you: "Ain't it a bitch"
me: "I'm hungry, how 'bout mexican?"
you: "Dude, I'm fo sum o dat."

54👍 5👎

prison poker

getting fucked in the asshole in jail, what a new or weaker inmate can expect to play daily without consent, usually right after a little tonsil tickling from a sexually perverted inmate(s), forced to at first but gives it up quietly after the first 50 or 60 times, can also expect to play with multiple partners several times a day while guards ignore what's going on

billy bob: "hey bubba, fresh fish"
bubba: "ungh, we needs some fresh hole"
billy bob: "me first this time"
bubba: "bullshit, everybody knows i always get the first hand in prison poker"
billy bob: "uh, ok, hey fish, face down, ass up"
bubba: "ungh, ungh, ungh"

45👍 5👎

turd polish

to spin, embellish, spin, puff, enhance, enrich, exaggerate, gild and generally lie like a motherfucker about something to make it seem better and more desirable than it really is

you: "man, you should have seen the girl I fucked last night. she was smokin' hot and craving my johnson juice."
me: "what a load of turd polish asswipe. I did see her. what a toothless skank whore."
you: "well, you can't have everything."
me: "well, i guess it is better than nothing. what's her number?"

Conventional Wisdom:
"you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of shit."

56👍 7👎

TB

two bellies i.e. having two abdominal viscera, two stomachs, dual spare tires, double guts, plentiful paunch... generally a fat lard ass

Hawg: shit, here comes karen, she's really let herself go after she got married.
Dawg: yeah, she done got TB.
Hawg: looks like two pounds of sausage in a one pound bag.
Dawg: lets find a fold and fuck it.
Hawg: me first.
Karen: hey boys...

54👍 35👎