Big Telly Wank

The act of cranking one out involving the use of the largest screen in the house (usually the TV in the living room) to watch pornography.

I'm sick of squinting at my phone screen in the toilet while the missus is home. I've got the house to myself tonight so I'm going to crack open a can, get pornhub up on the 60" in the living room and have a nice big telly wank.

Frankenstein switch

A deus ex machina used to perform an extremely complex task in one fell swoop. Often used sarcastically to imply that a task presumed easy is in fact difficult or impossible to automate.

Takes its name from the huge levers used in black and white Frankenstein films to activate the elaborate mechanism used to reanimate The Creature, usually resulting in electrical discharge and cries of "it's alive!!!"

Boss: "Can you migrate all of our users to the new database, change the domain of everyone's email and redirect all traffic to the new datacentre ASAP?"

IT staff: "Sure. I'll just pull this Frankenstein switch..."

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