old schoogle

When modern technology fails and one must resort to archaic, carbon based methods such as dictionaries and encyclopedias for definitions and references.

ME: Does anyone know where they keep the books in this place? The WiFi is down and I need to look something up.
Intern: The what?
ME: The BOOKS. I have to old schoogle it.
Intern: How old ARE you?

Soviet Russia

A beautiful place full of communism. Everything here is backwards

In Russian accent: "in soviet russia, you do not kill communists, COMMUNISTS KILL YOU!"

54👍 6👎

dip out with your tip out

The opposite of "rock out with your cock out". When presented with an opportunity to either man-up or pussy-out, you choose the latter.

Dude at the Bar: "Are you gonna take this shot of of 151 with me? Or are you gonna dip out with your tip out like the bitch you are?
You: "I good man, I am feeling buzzed already."
Dude at the Bar: "Pussy!"

3👍 5👎

Twilight

So basically this book is crap. There's no literary devices used at all. There wasn't even characterization besides cold and pale. There were three words used so may times it gave me a headache: cold, pale, and said. And people think Edward is hot? Honestly. He's like an ugly version of Stalin. Bella is the worst main character ever. She literally runs around with two guys who are unable to keep their shirts on. She makes females everywhere look bad. Stephanie Meyers made it seem as though women need men to constantly protect them. WELL WE DONT BITCH. Also, how do twilight fangirls exist? YOURE A DISGRACE TO FANGIRLS EVERYWHERE. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH ROBERT PATTERASS AND TAYLOR WHATS-HIS-NAME. REAL FANGIRLS LIKE MARVEL AND SUPERWHOLOCK ETC ARE ACTUALLY INTO THE PLOT OF THE BOOK/MOVIE/SHOW THEY WATCH/READ NOT JUST THE HOT DUDES (Theyre like a nice bonus). Also how are Harry Potter and Twilight like competitors on the Internet or whatever? THATS BULL. ITS LIKE COMPARING JURASSIC PARK TO ITS SEQUELS. THERE ISNT EVEN A CHANCE FOR TWILIGHT HERE.

Summary of Twilight:
"He was really cold and pale. He watched me while I was sleeping when I barely knew him. It was really romantic" said Bella.

"I wish I had a cute relationship" said Jessica

"Yeah we're cute. He also thinks my blood smells good and wants to eat me whatever that means. He was also very cold and pale. Did I already mention that?"

side paper poo

Just when you think you're done wiping your ass... you go in for one last swipe just to be certain... only to find the side of the toilet paper covered in shit, forcing you to restart the process on a much larger scale.

Dude: We had way too many beers and hot wings last night!
ME: No doubt, I had side paper poo for days. I finally just gave up and got in the shower.

4👍 3👎

Led Zeppelin

The best 70s/80s band out there. If you don't like Led Zeppelin, you sir are an idiot (and probably need hearing aids).

Person 1: dang Led Zeppelin is so good. Every word is a poem.

Person 2: screw you man every letter is a poem

5👍 307👎

this TWO shall pass

1) a statement of grunting determination when confronted with constipation, or
2) when times are tough, a shittier version of "this too shallpass".
Both to be accompanied by the following hand signals: This TWO (peace sign) shall pass (inverted peace sign). Hand signals can also be used with dropping (peace sign) a duece (inverted peace sign). Enjoy!

ME: Hey pal, I lost my job, my cat died and I haven't pooped in days.
YOU: Cheer up compadre, you know what they say! This TWO shall pass!

9👍 2👎