Hair Metal

Also referred to as Pop Metal and Glam Metal, Hair Metal was an accidental sub-genre of corporate bullshit that was force fed to America by both the masses of wannabe badasses with teased out hair who apparently thought that the best way into a woman's pants was by dressing like women themselves, and the corporate suck-fest known as MTV.

Those responsible for this heinous crime against rock n' roll and indeed, humanity itself, include such artists as Quiet Riot, Ratt, Motley Crue, Dokken, Bon Jovi, Great White, Whitesnake, Trixter, Kix, and Cinderella. After the whole movement, by the grace of God, fizzled out for a short time in 1987, this wave was replaced by an even cheesier bunch that included the Bulletboys, LA Guns, Poison, White Lion, Winger, Warrant, and Skid Row.

Thankfully there were some glimpses of authenticity during this dark period like Van Halen, Def Leppard, and Guns N' Roses (who score points not only for authenticity and talent but also for the unique ability to share the stage with a volitile gas such as Axl Rose).

guy 1: Dear God... what IS that... that THING? Is that a man or a woman?

guy 2: Neither... its a hair metalist.

guy 1: a "hair metalist?"

guy 2: yeah... they're undead creatures trapped in a terrifying demention in which there is no distinction between men and women.

guy 1: you mean Anime?

guy 2: no... worse... they stay alive solely by snorting cocaine and fucking groupies

guy 1: Jesus...

guy 2: no. not even Jesus would enter that realm...

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corny

The status of "corniness" is achieved when something picks up old and overused fads just to "fit in," falsely believes it is cool, and then takes itself too seriously, resulting in a complete destruction of its social life.

guy 1: What's your gamertag?

guy 2: boneurmom69_420.

guy 1: you corny son of a bitch. *guy 1 throws guy 2 in front of a speeding cement truck, picks up his flattened corpse, and tosses it into a gaping abyss from which there is no return.*

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