Pencil Shanked

Being "pencil shanked" is when a sharpened pencil is in your front pocket, point up, and you bend over. The sharp pencil stabs you in the stomach and leaves a small grey mark where the graphite entered the skin.

You can be "pencil shanked" by someone as well. They just stab you with a sharpened pencil. That is all.

"Pencil shanking" is a common problem in schools. Others affected include writers, artists, the intelligent, geeks, nerds, teachers, businessmen and women, parents, and prisoners, although anyone with pockets or enemies can be "pencil shanked."

Steve: "F*CK!"

Bob: "I just saw you bend over, what happened?!"

Steve: "My writing implement was in my pocket when I leaned over! I just pencil shanked myself!"

PE Teacher

A "PE teacher" is an individual that decides to spend all of their time teaching children how to take care of themselves and play games for hours and hours every day but, for some reason, hates children and exercise. There is not a PE teacher on the planet that's been seen actually exercising, but it's their job for some reason, and they absolutely hate it.

They only seem to refer to things around them by last names or shortened nicknames such as "MACKLEROY!" or "LET'S PLAY SOME B-BALL!" (etc).

They never lose their voices. They have trained their vocal chords to be strong so they can yell as loudly and for as long as they want. Children are their main prey.

It is obvious that they aren't the brightest people, but you can smell the failure on them. It stinks of sweat, tears, and a useless Masters Degree that's covered in dust in a box under all of the hockey gear in the locker room.

No one grows up saying "I want to be a PE teacher" because even PE teachers don't want to be PE teachers.

They are sad, misunderstood creatures that will forever wallow in their own sadness.

Carl: "Coach! I have serious asthma and shouldn't run anymore! You already made me run 15 laps around the track! I don't have my inhaler and I've already run too much-"

Coach: "DOES! IT! LOOK! LIKE! I! CARE?!"

Carl: "The doctor said that I could die-"

Coach: "YOU GET TWENTY MORE LAPS IF YOU KEEP GIVING ME LIP, BOY!"

Carl: "Please! I'm... Dying... *wheeze*

Coach: "YOU ARE WEAK! GET ON IT! MR MACKLEROY! GO! RUN! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING IN MY CLASS?! PRETENDING TO PLAY DEAD WON'T GET YOU OUT OF ANYTHING! I WILL PUNT YOUR DEAD BODY ACROSS THE FIELD!"

Steve: "Did you hear about how Carl almost died in gym? He had to be taken to the ER. He was blue in the face and he had a footprint on his side. They think he might become a vegetable."

Bob: "Wow. Our PE teacher is such a big fucking bitch."

69👍 17👎