Twilight

About a klutzy, whiny, stupid, two-faced b-tch so-called 'heroine'who can't walk in a straight line. Her name is Bella. Bella's parents are divorced and she lives with her Dad. Her Dad is a blind motherf-cking retard who does not do ANYTHING to be a good father. Bella has to choose between an annoying, stalker so-called 'vampire' (who f-cking sparkles, and his name is Edward) and a manipulative, jacka-s, pedophile werewolf named Jacob. Edward's main hobby is watching Bella sleep. Most people would find this creepy, but now it's accepted because everything Edward does is apparently "gorgeous and perfect". Edward also enjoys eating lions and smashing things to show how 'strong' he is. Edward is a 118 year old virgin, which is not surprising at all. Edward, being a p-ssy, runs away to Italy and wants to kill himself for Bella's 'safety'.Jacob's main hobby taking off all of his shirts and throwing them into the trash (if he even owns a shirt). Jacob also has an anger management problem. He is a borderline pedophile who falls in love with vampire babies. He thinks that he is so motherf-cking gorgeous and wants to have puppies with Bella, up until he meets Renesemee, now he wants to have puppies with Renesmee.

Each book of the series is a desperate rant from Bella ESPECIALLY in New Moon, in which Bella turns into a complete f-cking zombie. Bella ends up getting married with Edward at the age of 18 and they have a half vampire baby.

An excerpt from all of the books:

Twilight:
*In Bella's room, at night, Bella's sleeping*
Edward: I like watching you sleep, it's fascinating

New Moon:
Edward: I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.

Eclipse:
Edward: Do you know how important you are to me? Any concept of how much I love you?
Bella: I know how much I love YOU.

Breaking Dawn:
Jacob: The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee.

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