Own Goal

When shooting your load whilst masturbating, accidentally getting a portion of sperm in your mouth.

Gareth: What'd you get up to last night man?
Damo: Bro, had the house to myself so I decided to polish one off and dammit I had an Own Goal.
Gareth: Great story mate.

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Great Story

A sarcastic phrase used when, upon being interested in something somebody has to say you find out immediately that their tale is utterly boring and going nowhere. Often affixed to the end of the phrase is the name of a local newspaper and the date in which everyone might be able to read said boring tale.

Aaron: "... and so yeah after that we uh went to...."
Gareth: "Great story mate, I'm sure I'll read about it in The Age tomorrow"

spruce moose

A phrasal verb often used in a sharehouse by a tidier housemate to a less tidy housemate, softly indicating an immediate or planned cleaning of the shared house.

Gareth: Hey mate, happy birthday!
Aaron: Cheers mate
Aaron: Hey we need to have a spruce moose bro, there are people coming over
Gareth: Ah, true