melting pearls on my tummy

Spanking the monkey. Masturbation.

"Well, I'll be upstairs melting pearls on my tummy if you need me." Roger on American Dad

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Race Riot

When a television loses its video signal and displays black and white "snow".

What happened to the TV? Every channel is a race riot.

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Sacrademento

The state capitol of California is the city of Sacramento. The elected officials up there do demented things. Therefore, Sacrademento.

Up in Sacrademento, illegals get higher priority assistance than veterans.

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Pennophile

A pedophile associated with Penn State.

I guess Pennophile's are really big men on that campus.