Wood Thief's Sickness

A condition where extremely fine splinters of wood embed in the dermal layer slowly working toward the heart, lungs and brain over a period of 2 - 5 years. Side effects can include, an extreme affinity for Microsoft Excel, over measuring and having the name Danny. Only affects people who have touched or burnt stolen firewood i.e. thieves or petty criminals.

Danny stole firewood from his brother's front porch and now he has Wood Thief's Sickness