kelvinside academy

a shit show of a school where several bald headed men boss you around. everyone at kelvinside academy really does love it there. there are several types of people there such as:

the vape nation - a group of primarily s3 boys who gather inside the bathrooms at lunch time and think they're getting high off of a few hits of a vape

the mean girls wannabe - mostly made up of all the girls from s2-s3 the mean girls wannabe are the real shit stirrers of kelvinside. and lets be honest, most of the time its over boys in S4

the 1 2 captaincy duo - the boy and the girl who are s6 that really think they fucking run the place all because they have a fancy badge and get a free skip pass and a free lunch.

James the Pimp: ayo you seen kelvinside academy
Johnny the gimp: aye its a shithole

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St Enoch

the best fucking shopping centre in glasgow. if you find yourself in this place just know, you are in fucking heaven. there are three floors in st Enoch and they are as follows

Ground floor “The warzone”

On the ground floor of St Enoch there is nothing to fucking do but get soaked by water guns from the neds that primarily stand on the middle floor. Out of all the floors despite it being called the warzone it is probably the most peaceful out of all the foors.

2nd Floor “Neds and Slags”

Ah the second floor, the most horrific floor of St Enoch. The second floor is home to the neds that are almost 100% carrying a blade or some other medieval weapon to slash anybody who dares to get “wide” with them but we all know they will do absolutely nada and just do it to look cool. Also on this floor is home to the slags. Now, all they slags do is just stand there waiting for one of the neds to walk past them so they can pop the question of “wits ur snap yer hot” which almost never happens but when it does, there is a large and very noticeable moaning sound coming from the bathrooms on the third floor.

The third Floor “shag den”

Now the third floor of St Enoch is where 96% of all teenage pregnancies in Scotland occur, due to the fact that these fishy 14 year old girls get way to horny and just shag a ned in the girls cubicles.

St Enoch is truly a wonderful place and where most boys get their cock touched for the first time and im fucking proud of it

Kacey the slag: “hawl st Enoch is a great place tae get yer hole lets go there”
“Leah the slag: “oft aye lets go get some dick”