Almond MILF

A hippy ass, yoga going, almond milk drinking Mom I'd Like to Fuck.

Damn son, you shoulda seen the Almond MILF I saw at the Whole Foods today. She had a hot ass Pilates body and her skin was radiant like the sun.

6👍 5👎

brunch face

The starved and jealous look on the faces of people waiting in long lines at busy brunch spots.

Diner one: "OMG, did you see that guy's pancakes? I'm so getting the pancakes. They look so good I could die!"

Diner two: "Dude, that guy over there's totally giving me the brunch face."

13👍 1👎

uni-meal

One large amount of food consumed as the day's only meal, sometimes on Thanksgiving, but often after an all-night bender. Usually followed by sleep or television.

You: "Hey you wanna get dinner?"
Me: "No thanks, man...I partied all night and woke up at 4. Just had a burrito uni-meal...I think I'm gonna crash."

tobacculosis

A syndrome of the lungs caused by smoking more cigarettes than is sane or healthy.

I smoked so many 5 peso packs of cigarettes in South America that I developed tobacculosis.

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Ranch delivery device

n. A dish of Ranch dressing often featuring lettuce. Also know as salad.

"Excuse me miss, can I have a little more lettuce in my Ranch Delivery Device?"

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Condomplation

The moment of deliberation just before sex in which one decides whether or not to use a condom.

"Is she ovulating right now? She doesn't look like she's ovulating. When did she say her period was? Last week, I think. Or maybe the week before. I wonder if I'd make a good father..."

Last night I was lost in Condomplation.

33👍 5👎

Pandemic

A sudden outbreak of Pandas. Has only happened once or twice, and mostly in China.

Pandas are so cute! I wish there was a pandemic right here in town.

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