Craig Ferguson

Scottish comedian on late-night-TV, whose show airs after Letterman. His humor is characterized by anecdotes about his years in Scotland or his alcoholism, running jokes about the likes of OJ, Bill Clinton, and Elton John, and catchphrases such as "Remind you of anyone?" and "Sit down, relax, take off your pants."

Craig Ferguson: Sit down, relax, take off your pants. (pause) You too, ladies.
Me: This guy is great.
Anyone nearby: Whatever you say.

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apple pie bed

Another term for short-sheeting, a practical joke where the lower sheet is folded back--effectively halving the bed's length--and placed under another blanket to disguise what has been done. The victim, often the joker's roommate, is meant to climb in, find him/herself unable to actually lie down, and look like an idiot.

Frank Zappa (shouting at his roommate after supposedly falling victim to one): This is an apple pie bed too far, Don!

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