graduate school

What you say you did with your 20's/30's when you didn't do anything important or remotely useful but you have to explain now because someone asked

Lobocuda: "Man didn't someone tell me you were in prison back then?"

Tacobooco: "Nope...was in graduate school back then."

Lobocuda: "Ah ok, that's why I simultaneously remember you smelling horrible then but also that I never saw you...strange..."

8👍 2👎

business casualty

the Death of the Soul due to prolonged and continuous donning of Business Casual attire

the loss of Personality as a result of ritualistic daily preference for Soft Silky Slacks with Dresséd Shirts

Here lies Mark Connors (1994–2016), who previously lived a life full of Joy, Normalcy, and Fat, but died of the Death, due to the Business; a Business Casualty as it were

"Sources estimate business casualties in the thousands, with many families soon to be destitute as a result of Presses Shirts and Pleats."

mulletocracy

a system of political organization and governmental rule in which the possession and maintenance of superior mullets takes precedent over other parameters; ascendancy of particular political leaders is determined solely based on mullet; it should be noted that while the quality of a mullet is what determines an individual's standing in political rank and hierarchy, the question of mullet "quality" is a dubious one and constitutes a matter of great subjectivity and lively debate.

oh what a fool I was to believe in the myth of mulletocracy.

you think hard work and diligence is all it takes? you're wrong: we live in a mulletocracy.

the mallet or the mullet? an age old question about the right path to political progress.

We here at the Arkansas Department of State advocate a policy of regime change in the State of New York and strongly promote its residents to adopt our time-honored mulletocratic values and institutions.

public library

a large building near a city's downtown filled with books, children, and sleeping homeless people

"hey brother can you spare a dime?"
"shut up and go to the public library!"

"shit! i really need some books, homeless people, and children."
"dude, have you heard of the public library?"

professor beep

The most wonderful woman in the whoooooooooole world, she says "beep - beep - beep - beep" and then closes Skype when you are halfway around the world and does it in the cutest possible way that makes it less sad to say goodbye for the day!

Jort: "Alright! Time for Professor Beep to say goodbye."
Flort: "Ok {mwah}"
Jort: "beep - beep - beep - beep - beep!"

Lindsay

a name for a girl you have a 20% chance of falling in love with if you were born between the years 1985 and 1995

Director: We need a name for a girl born around the time the Berlin Wall fell.

entire crew, staff, audience, world: LINDSAY!!! LINDSAY, YOU IDIOT!

Director: Wait isn't that a man's name?!

entire crew, staff, audience, world: GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY, YOU REDCOAT!

hotbox

an application that allows you to remotely share marijuana regardless of what device you're in front of or your physical location; the application is infinitely superior to its predecessor, WeedTransfer

Iowa fucking sux. When will prohibition end?
Chill: I hotbox you...
@) thank you!