Diarmaid

Diarmaid is a name of royal significance. In ancient times, kin of royalty possessing the blood of the throbbing cock God 'Zeus' were named Diarmaid as an indicator to all the women that this guy is packing large meat and top-shelf juice (of the kind that the ladies like).

Sterile and flacid-peniled individuals were conversely named 'Diarmuid' as an indicator of infertility (out of the womb). Diarmuids were often used as foot-stools or feet-sucklers.

Modern Archaeological data approximating in the Southern Ireland region has uncovered the potato-fabric-woven patches that Diarmuids would be forced to wear during this period. The center of these circle badges would be a 'U', signifying the 'U suck' slogan that was often administered to the Diarmuids. Diamond-encrusted cock rings could be found in relation to Diarmaid-dense areas (DDAs), often speculated to control the fertility of these men "cos they might get all the gyals preggers".

Girl: Mum I want a Diarmaid for christmas

Mother: We have a Diarmaid at home

Diarmuid at home: *crying in the corner, sweeping his tears into a cup*