internal crabs

A fictional (sexually transmitted disease) that causes extreme discomfort when urinating.

Internal crabs do not exist BUT watch your buddy's face when you tell him he has them.

Man #1: Dude, I boned this chick the other night without a (jimmy) and now it burns like crazy when I (piss).

Man #2: Maybe it's the internal crabs.

Man #1: The what?

Man #2: Maybe she had (crabs). They probably jumped out of your pubes and crawled up into your (dick hole) while you were asleep.

Man #1: You're full of shit!

Man #2: Dude, the internal crabs. I'm telling you. They're trying to chew their way back out of the tip of your dick. That's why your piss burns.

Man#1: Jesus, that skank gave me the internal crabs!

Man #2: Get thee to a doctor, bro. They're fatal.

penile rivulet

1. a whiny man tantruming over something petty

2. a man that doesn't act his age, especially in social situations with the opposite sex

3. a man that is incapable of performing the most menial tasks

Husband: You didn't starch my socks!

Wife: Stop being such a penile rivulet and do your own goddamn laundry from now on!

OR

"Maybe if you weren't acting like such a penile rivulet, you could have banged that chick."

OR

Office Worker: How do I turn on the copy machine?

Co-Worker: What are you? A penile rivulet?

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