surge

1)A word that was produced after Karl Rove ejaculated on a focus group.
2)Code word from Newscaster. When spoken it is a signal that means "This newscast has no ability to offer you anything but already chewed vomit. Please find another news source if you want to find out what's going on. You are looking at an image that bears no resemblance to any shred of honesty of moral conscience. Look away, look away!"
3)A juicy sounding word that distracts from more boring words like "Effective self-governance," "Competent War and Crisis Management," "Stemming of obsene corruption by friends of the administration," "incompetence," "Hey! We have no idea what were doing, and still our bank accounts are growing! Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah! Look over here! Can't see us through the smoke screen of great words like 'surge' 'war on terror' 'mushroom cloud' 'georgie's Mushroom cap'."

1)"Whoa!" cried the group as they were covered with Rovejuice. "That was some surge!" panted KR as he swabbed his member with a damp cloth. "How does that grab ya?"
The dials all rotated to quickly to the right, so that they might escape this madman.
2)Tim Russert asked the panel on "Meet the Press" how the surge was going. This was his cue for us Russert fans to turn to Emeril on the "Food Channel," a show where Russert was co-producer.
3)The bandits had Jimmy and I at gunpoint, but Jimmy thought quick. "Surge!" he yelled, pointing at the door. The gunmen looked over, and we knocked the guns from their hands. By the time the police arrived, it was all over but the shouting.

92👍 27👎

fecal lucidity

The ability to concentrate that is regained upon moving one's bowels.

Jim got home from work to Cindy's litany of how badly the kids were behaving, but fortunately for them, they were in luck. Jim could not concentrate on a single word with the turtle head poking out. Once he was done dumping he achieved a level of unmatched fecal lucidity.
"So," sighed Jim deeply, walking out of the bathroom, "Anything interesting happen today?"

64👍 2👎

Miley Cyrus

1) The disease a person may contract while having sex on an airplane. It comes from exposing your genitals around the high density of methane.
2) The direction the toilet swirls down the drain in Australia.

1) Marlyn joined the mile-high club on the trip to Phoenix, but three weeks later she discovered Miley Cyrus on her labia majora. It required laser surgery to remove the cyst.
2) Joey was so interested in the Miley Cyrus when he was done with his dump that he inadvertently produced some Dingoberries. Fortunately the tour guide was experienced with his outback.
"Whoa, hold on there, mate, don't yank up yer Draks just yet. I haven't had me Brekkie yet, and it looks like the Dingo's been circling your Freckle.

4626👍 2057👎

Limbaugher

Cheese produced from swabbing the folds in Rush Limbaugh's skin. Top Fortune 500 performer in last quarter.

We managed to get some vintage Limbaugher from a floor trader who had some connections. We talked about interest rates, capital gains, stock portfolios with a bottle of Cognac and this remarkable cheese. We wondered how they could produce such a gastronomical delight.

61👍 15👎

Chick Flick

1) To be plucked against one's ear or neck by a fetching young lass.
2) To pluck at a ripe young lady with your fingers, a single time.
3) The minimal movement possible to knock a newly hatched chicken off a milk carton, or any other elevated station.
4) To film any or all of these things, possibly hiring Rene Zellwegger to star in it in some capacity in order to provide a hint of sweet and sour (hence the lemon sucking face and baby voice).
5) It could involve this finger movement on the clitoris, if you thank that might work for you.

We had it in our budget to only hire one star for this film, and we could only get Anne Hathaway. Zellwegger was not interested in another "Chick Flick unless we CGI'd the chicken stunts. We were unwilling to compromise our standards.

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halle berry

1) Holistic supplement known to cause wild mood swings.
2) To release the breasts from their bindings in order to tan them.
3) Dingleberry specific to people named Halle. Unusually low in fiber. (see Halle's comet)
4) A corporation formerly run by Vice President and marksman Dick Cheney.

1) I don't know what came over me. I had some halleberry tea, and before I knew it, I was on a Steamer bound for Cleveland.
2) First lady Barbara Bush was fond of a daily halle berry in the rose garden. She claimed it did her a spell o' good.
3) Billy Bob wasn't one to complain, but he struggled with the Halle Berries mashed against his loins, due to their unusual consistency and aroma.
4) Halle Berry was awarded a no-bid contract, probably due to some relationship to the former first lady.

96👍 146👎

heck of a job

How well one does at blowing high ranking Republican officials. Swallowing is a must. Usually results in an appointment as bureau chief of some federal agency. Must achieve this score at least twice to head become Attorney General.

Dubya rated Brownie's fantastic hummer on national television. "Heck of a job," Dubya proclaimed, and Brownie beamed like Thomas the Tank Engine. Normally this would mean CEO of some defense or drug company at the end of the administration, but unfortunately it was during the Katrina disaster. Brownie's chances for that were severely curtailed. Not that Brownie minded, but he would have to receive his perks through the back door.

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