personality vomit

To spew out every personal detail of your life to someone you've just met.

I thought we were just complaining about how long the line was at the Handy Pantry when the guy next to me covered me with personality vomit. Before I left, I knew about his divorce, his bankruptcy, and the infection he got popping a pimple on his ass.

79👍 5👎

Limbaugher

Cheese produced from swabbing the folds in Rush Limbaugh's skin. Top Fortune 500 performer in last quarter.

We managed to get some vintage Limbaugher from a floor trader who had some connections. We talked about interest rates, capital gains, stock portfolios with a bottle of Cognac and this remarkable cheese. We wondered how they could produce such a gastronomical delight.

61👍 15👎

Miley Cyrus

1) The disease a person may contract while having sex on an airplane. It comes from exposing your genitals around the high density of methane.
2) The direction the toilet swirls down the drain in Australia.

1) Marlyn joined the mile-high club on the trip to Phoenix, but three weeks later she discovered Miley Cyrus on her labia majora. It required laser surgery to remove the cyst.
2) Joey was so interested in the Miley Cyrus when he was done with his dump that he inadvertently produced some Dingoberries. Fortunately the tour guide was experienced with his outback.
"Whoa, hold on there, mate, don't yank up yer Draks just yet. I haven't had me Brekkie yet, and it looks like the Dingo's been circling your Freckle.

4626👍 2057👎

fecal lucidity

The ability to concentrate that is regained upon moving one's bowels.

Jim got home from work to Cindy's litany of how badly the kids were behaving, but fortunately for them, they were in luck. Jim could not concentrate on a single word with the turtle head poking out. Once he was done dumping he achieved a level of unmatched fecal lucidity.
"So," sighed Jim deeply, walking out of the bathroom, "Anything interesting happen today?"

64👍 2👎

Chick Flick

1) To be plucked against one's ear or neck by a fetching young lass.
2) To pluck at a ripe young lady with your fingers, a single time.
3) The minimal movement possible to knock a newly hatched chicken off a milk carton, or any other elevated station.
4) To film any or all of these things, possibly hiring Rene Zellwegger to star in it in some capacity in order to provide a hint of sweet and sour (hence the lemon sucking face and baby voice).
5) It could involve this finger movement on the clitoris, if you thank that might work for you.

We had it in our budget to only hire one star for this film, and we could only get Anne Hathaway. Zellwegger was not interested in another "Chick Flick unless we CGI'd the chicken stunts. We were unwilling to compromise our standards.

48👍 34👎

halle berry

1) Holistic supplement known to cause wild mood swings.
2) To release the breasts from their bindings in order to tan them.
3) Dingleberry specific to people named Halle. Unusually low in fiber. (see Halle's comet)
4) A corporation formerly run by Vice President and marksman Dick Cheney.

1) I don't know what came over me. I had some halleberry tea, and before I knew it, I was on a Steamer bound for Cleveland.
2) First lady Barbara Bush was fond of a daily halle berry in the rose garden. She claimed it did her a spell o' good.
3) Billy Bob wasn't one to complain, but he struggled with the Halle Berries mashed against his loins, due to their unusual consistency and aroma.
4) Halle Berry was awarded a no-bid contract, probably due to some relationship to the former first lady.

96👍 146👎

heck of a job

How well one does at blowing high ranking Republican officials. Swallowing is a must. Usually results in an appointment as bureau chief of some federal agency. Must achieve this score at least twice to head become Attorney General.

Dubya rated Brownie's fantastic hummer on national television. "Heck of a job," Dubya proclaimed, and Brownie beamed like Thomas the Tank Engine. Normally this would mean CEO of some defense or drug company at the end of the administration, but unfortunately it was during the Katrina disaster. Brownie's chances for that were severely curtailed. Not that Brownie minded, but he would have to receive his perks through the back door.

201👍 45👎