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When someone is such a fucking tool, he surpasses the previously insurmountable title of mega douche, and therefore the only adjective left is epic.
The Epic Douche is easily identifiable as being a complete dick to everyone, having an incredibly hot girlfriend he doesn't deserve, enjoys rap even though he's whiter than Elton John, wearing mostly Hollister and Abercrombie, and driving a really nice car that his parents bought him, though he calls it his own. Of course, each Epic Douche has even more dickish characteristics unique to his pathetic little existence, not just the ones above.
Chris: Dude, Logan is such an epic douche, he first cheated off my final, and then when Mr. Tharp asked him about it, he said I cheated off of HIM! What the fuck, dude?
Nick: I hear ya dude, a week ago he stuck his Blackberry over the stall door and took a picture while I was taking a leak, and now everyone in school knows I pee sitting down like a girl.
Chris: You do?
Nick: Yes...
(Awkward silence)
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This is meant to distinguish between noobs and newbs, which can be very difficult to tell apart, based on behavior.
NOOBS: Rely on cheap tactics to barely finish second-to-last on the team, and often blame others for their mistakes.
Noobs have no ambition to get better at the game they fail at, and are happy just pissing off the rest of us. Noobs are not limited to low levels, some have become 55 Gold Crosses.
Noobs are found camping with their M203-equipped M16's (standard noob issue), Juggernaut and Last Stand, in the same exact place you just killed them in a few minutes ago.
COMMUNICATING WITH NOOBS: Is not a good idea. The vast majority of encounters often end with noobs being brutal flamed in the pre-game lobbies, as noobs are unintelligent and slow-thinking. Any attempt to communicate with noobs is immediately met with a pre-set list of insults, such as "Shut the fuck up", "You wanna go one-on-one?", "I could rape you", etc.
NEWBS: Honest, humble, polite players who strive to better themselves by playing as a team and seeking the advice of others. Newbs are new to the game, so they don't know, and, when confronted after using noob tactics, apologize for their behavior and immediately cease all noob activity.
COMMUNICATION WITH NEWBS: One of the most pleasant conversations ever on Xbox Live/Playstation Network. When you start talking to them, you realize they are different from noobs, and that they are sorry for their behavior.
Noobs vs. Newbs
In COD4: Noob (actual example)
Me: You fucking Juggernaut M16 noob, go to fucking hell, or start using a real gun, bitch. You went 8 and 15, that's pathetic.
Noob: Shut the fuck up, I'll rape you if we go one-on-one.
(Next game noob goes 4 and 11)
Noob: Fine, I'll rape you in Cage Match.
(We go one-on-one, I beat him 25-6)
Noob: Fuck you, I just drank a Red Bull (official beverage of noobs) and I'm tense and shaky.
Me: Noob
IN COD4: NEWB (another actual example)
(newb goes 3 and 13, killing me twice with an M16 and Juggernaut)
Me: The fuck was that, asshole? You think you can just camp in the back with a M16 and Juggernaut and that's OK? Fuck you, bitch.
Newb: Wait, what? Oh, sorry about that. I just bought this game last week and I'm still learning how to play. What should I use, do you think?
Me: (somewhat surprised) Oh... Well, if I were you, I'd go with an AK-47 and Stopping Power, that always works for me, at least.
Newb: All right, thanks, dude.
(next game, newb goes 6 and 8)
Newb: Wow, man, thanks a lot, that really helped.
Me: No problem.
(most encounters of newbs end with Friend Requesting each other, and becoming on of your main Xbox Live friends you don't actually know in person)
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An acronym meaning "Cowboys from Hell", derived from groove metal Pantera's best album and song of the same name. When written, the right side of the 'H' is bent outwards to form a circle, one of the coolest logos ever.
The song's one of their best known, and is undoubtedly their theme song, so 'CFH' has been used on all kinds of Pantera memorabilia and clothes and that shit. Also, the "Cowboys from Hell" is sometimes used as a nickname to refer to the band itself, who also have tattoos (such as Dimebag's guitar on his shoulder) related to the 'CFH' moniker, and even Dime himself when he signed autographs added 'CFH' (may he rest in peace).
Chris (in Coldplay shirt): Dude, what's up with the shirt?
Will (in Pantera shirt): CFH, motherfucker, the Cowboys From Hell, Pantera, the greatest band ever.
Chris: Cowboys? Really gay, dude.
Will: No it's not, retard. They're all from Texas, so they're allowed to use it and not be gay. You know who IS gay? That faggot who sings for YOUR shitty band, Cockplay, or whatever it's called. Have you seen him perform? He fucking flaming.
Chris: ...
Will: Exactly.
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A girl who has the personality, mannerisms, and character of a guy, but is a girl. The majority of these girls love sports, videogames, beer, science-related stuff, and will make random, inappropriate comments during conversation, just like one of you guy friends would. Most people will call the girls by a nickname/last name, also like guys. They're basically the coolest people you've ever met.
NOTE: This girl does not necessarily have to be ugly/dudish. Some girls I know are hot as hell, and are still really cool.
Chris: Dude, how was Mrs. Clark's essay test?
Tommy: It had to be 500 words, and since I only had one piece of paper I had to write like real small and-
(Lauren walks up to them)
-I was like trying to cram it all in, but it was too small, and she got pissed at me cuz it wouldn't fit.
Lauren: That's what SHE said! See you third period, Chris.
Chris: Later.
Tommy: Who and what the fuck was that?
Chris: Oh, dude, that's Lauren. She's a dude with boobs, like, she's on the softball team and stuff, and she's better than me in Halo. Fucking coolest kid I know.
Tommy: She's fucking hot, too.
Chris: I know, dude... Too bad we're gay.
Tommy: Yeah. Speaking of which, I'll leave my bedroom window open tonight.
Chris: Sweet...
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Otherwise known as the horrible affliction that swept the previously incredible 80's thrash metal bands in the early 90's, reducing them to greedy, selfish, hypocritical sell-out posers.
Subjects exhibiting Metallica Syndrome copies everything the disease's namesake does; build up a huge, devoted fanbase in the mid-80's underground by making fast, heavy, amazing albums, then suddenly fuck over all those true fans by releasing a softer, mainstream,album sometime around 1992-is, a sell-out album.
Later symptoms include earning a huge amount of money and even more fans (mostly weekend headbangers and posers), while abandoning devoted original fanbase, and core values and the style they were famous for in the first place.
More signs bands have Metallica Syndrome include a sudden, sharp increase of the band's attempted publicity, like on TV and the radio, conforming with mainstream music and its neverending attempt to force you to hear their music.
The last and most obvious symptom of the disease is making a 'comeback album', an CD like their 80's albums in style and intensity, basically one that should've been released in place of the shit albums. These albums sell just as well, if not better than their previous tries, and are often critically acclaimed as 'a return' or 'the comeback'. Most of the time, the bands have gone through a shitload of lineup changes and record labels, and don't sound the same, though faggot posers who say they like whatever band argue they do.
Unfortunately, several of the best thrash metal bands have been infected with Metallica Syndrome:
1. Megadeth (their non '...' containing album titles and Endgame)
2. Testament (anything in the 90's, basically, and The Formation of Damnation)
3. Exodus (1991-2007, followed by The Atrocity Exhibition later that year)
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Zionsville's a small but wealthy town of 12,000-ish people in Indiana, a few minutes northeast of Indianapolis. We're one of the nicest towns in Indiana (though that's not really saying all that much), as well as one of the richest, with an average income of $84,000, and house price of $430,000, both way over national average. Hell, we even have a fucking Bentley dealership here.
Despite how rich people are in Zionsville, we aren't snobby or anything (cough, Carmel). It's actually really cool how people are here. When you meet someone from Zionsville, it's hard to tell how wealthy they are until you go over to their house or see their cars because they're so humble and nice. Like, both my parents are teachers, but I'm friends with doctors' kids, lawyers' kids, and CEOs' kids. Anyone can be anyone's friend here.
Most people in Zionsville are the old-money families, who've been living here for generations. They've gone to college, worked their asses off for what they've got, and pass along those virtues to their kids.
Now, yes, I know, I've been talking a lot about money. Off that subject; the people in Zionsville. The High School, besides being one of the top academic schools in the nation, is also the whitest. Out of 1800 kids, I bet like 10 are black, 50 are Asian, and we don't really have anything else here. Seriously, 98% of our town is white (NOT AN EXAGGERATION, WIKIPEDIA IT).
In short, Zionsville's a really nice place, and given the choice, I'd still live here.
Chris: Dude, I'm moving.
Will: What the fuck? Where?
Chris: Some suburb called Zionsville, Indiana.
Will: Oh, dude, I've heard of that place, it's like the whitest fucking place in the world. Like, even Russia's more diverse than Zionsville.
Chris: Yeah, dude, but it's all good, I've heard everyone's cool there, so it's not so bad.
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