John

Most often spotted tending turtles or collecting mud. A John is super mysterious and, thus, everyone’s always curious. But a John often confuses simply because he’s always confused. Therefore, if you approach a John, walk slowly, it often takes a John longer to understand and comprehend seemingly simple things. Initially may seem like a jerk. Nevertheless, a John always means well, so don’t take his tourette-like exclamations personally.

Person 1: Why is that man selling mud?
Person 2: He’s a John.
Person 1: Ah, sad.

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