You gotta be dry humpin me!

Much more impactful, thrilling and hilarious way to say 'You gotta be kidding me!' with umph.

Mary: Hey, John. I stayed over at your friend's house last night but woke up in the middle of the woods on my hands & knees in a pile of dirt with a condom up my butt, but I swear I would never cheat on you.
John: He literally played that camping joke on you? You gotta be dry humpin me!!!