Crumpets with the Queen

The act of engaging in anal sex while there is a Corgi watching.

When the dog walked into the room, gay sex turned into crumpets with the queen.

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French Crumpets

Thinly sliced baguette, often served in France as an alternative to crumpets.

Alan:What the f*** are these?

Marine: Zey are French Crumpets...

Alan:No they're not, they're thin slices of Baguette. This is the shittest teat and crumpets I've ever had.

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Morning Crumpet

An early morning dump. That first pinch of the day. May be one’s daily bowel movement or the morning crumpet may also be part of one’s scat play fetish.

I’m so regular. As soon as I get out of bed I pinch my morning crumpet.

I woke Rachel up this morning by dropping my steaming morning crumpet right on her chest. She loved it. She loves an English Breakfast.

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Crumpet cunt

Sticking a buttery biscuit in ur cunt and leaving it there till it goes mushy

Oh wait r u crumpet cunting to Nick crompton

Sub-Crumpet

Too Sub-Crumpet
Too withhold sex

"Kirke" Gilesie I'm horny
"Giles" Hmph keeps playing with iPhone

later that day...

"Giles" Kirke make sweet love to me...
"Krike" (Raised eyebrows) "You had you chance this morning"

Giles got "sub-crumpeted"

Jiminey Crumpets

Simply means "What the Fuck"

John:"Hey man i fucked that chick Molly last night"
Garrick:"I hope you were drunk that bitch looks like a horse!"
Corey:"Jiminey Crumpets!"

Crumpet bum

Slang used for someone with celulite on their bum, it gives the effect of a crumpet! Also a built up residue of anal crap due to lack of ass wiping abilities

Lad: holly hell look at that crumpet bum over there! She aint been ass wiping