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The morbidly obese man that breaks into houses every year on December 24th and eats all of the food in your house. If you ever see him in your house, run. Santa Claus will give out presents to kids that he finds attractive and the ugly ones get coal. The presents usually have trackers in them as he handmade them with his children slaves that he kidnapped, also known as “elves”
Sometimes you may find some very small elves in your house. Dispose of them immediately because they have cameras in them. Santa isn’t your friend. He’s a child predator.
*kid wakes up*
oh my goodness it’s santa claus and he is in my room
santa claus: ho ho ho get in my fabric sack
kid: *climbs into fabric sack*
santa claus: hahaha now you are my elf
kid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*the kid was forced to make toys until the end of time*
A large pedo that likes when little children sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. He also usually watches little children to monitor their behaviour so he can alter their christmas presents.
Santa claus is coming to town...
He sees you when you're sleeping...
He knows when you're awake...
He knows if you've been bad or good...
He's a stalker for goodness sakes...
A western Pennsylvania term. It means to initiate plans for a later date, then not show up or follow through with the plans.
Jim pulled a Claus again on me. That asshole called me and told me he had tickets to the Donnie Iris show for Saturday down at Nick's Fat City. I sat around all night waiting for that asshole to show up. That fucker's always pulling a Claus on me.
Santa Claus but Thomas Sanders
Janus: "Wow, Santa really hated you this year huh?"
Roman buried in presents: "You mean Sanders Claus????"
Most likely a mythical modern retelling of a mystic group of hallucinogenic mushroom-eating Siberian shaman who wore red and white outfits, snuck in through the chimneys of villagers and distributed the sacred mushroom Amanita Muscaria. Other associations from the popular myth easily fall into place. The reindeer is the animal most associated with Amanita as it is a popular dish to them. Amanita tends to form a symbotic relationship with spruce or pine trees which are used for Christmas trees. It is also said that the Siberian shaman could fly, but probably not physically. However, Amanita often gives the sensation of flying.
Santa Claus was just a crazy mushroom cult all along.
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Evil robot who terrorizes the citizens of New New York every X-mas Eve, because he judges everyone to be naughty. He throws grenades that look like X-mas tree ornaments and shot a TOW missile at Fry and Leela when he caught them under mistletoe. One time, he got frozen in the ice of Neptune due to the exhaust from the Planet Express ship melting the ice and it refroze. Bender then had to take his place that X-mas eve.
Amy: "You can't stay out on X-Mas eve, you'll be killed!"
Fry: "Say what?"
Farnsworth: "Good lord! he doesn't know about Santa Claus."
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Someone adults made up and tell their children he delivers all the presents on Christmas Eve. He supposably lives in the North Pole with all his lil elves making toys and Mrs. Jessica Claus. Obviously he does not exist because the inpersonators you see at the mall and such would be arrested for identity theft. So what is the point of him? To give children something to believe in and spread Christmas spirit around. Becasue of him now people don't even know what Christmas really is all about and just want gifts. What does Santa Claus have to do with he birth of God?
He comes down the chimney, which isn't practical since he is apparently really fat.
Adult: Go to sleep early Cindy Lou Who, or Santa Clause won't come!
Cindy Lou Who: OK mommy/daddy, don't forget to leave out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for his magical reindeer you told me about. I cant believe they can fly, pull his sleigh with his fat body and everybody on the nice list's presents and naughty lists coal!!!! Night night!
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