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Candy Uncle

A man whom one can hire to act as a child’s uncle. However, if at any point said child eats more than one piece of candy, the candy uncle will be said to have had a mysterious death and disappear. It’s never explained, but the child knows. They know.

Jack: I’m thinking of hiring a Candy Uncle. I don’t want Harry to eat too much candy.
Jeremiah: Oh ok you do you I guess

by Pepsi Needs IRN BRU January 25, 2022


Crouching Uncle

The act of walking into your aunt's bedroom and finding your uncle with his boxers around his ankles, squatting over your aunt while serving up a PBR and creamed-corn induced hot carl into her waiting mouth... most often occurring while re-runs of the Dukes of Hazard or Full House are playing on the TV.

I went over to Uncle Jethro's after the Nascar race, and when I walked into the trailer Aunt Tina was in the midst of wiping the Crouching Uncle off of her mustache.

by Ryjamin October 7, 2011

153πŸ‘ 7πŸ‘Ž


Uncle Jemima

Uncle Jemima is a crazy old fool who just wants to make liquor and show that there's more to this world than just making pancakes.

Uncle Jemima's Down Home Mash Liquor

'More fun than Pancakes!'

Uncle Jemima: Let me ask you a question: you like drinking? Well, you like drinking - who the hell don't? Well if you're like me, then you like to get bit just as fast as possible. That's why I'm proud to introduce to you...Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor. I'm Uncle Jemima! You probably know my wife, Aunt Jemima, the pancake lady! Now she says that selling booze is degrading to our people. I always say that black folk ain't exactly swellin' up with pride on the count of you flippin' flapjack. Ain't I right Sammy?

Sammy: Listen don't get me in this mess.

Then she say "why booze?" I say "Sell what you know, and I know about booze!" Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor has a 95% alcohol content - and that's per volume!

What the hell does that mean?

That means you get f***ed up for less money! Hook a brother up! Buy some of my pure mash liquor and let's show that old bitch that there's more to this world than just making pancake!

Aunt Jemima: Pancakes is ready!

Uncle Jemima: Oh you shut up woman! You're not gonna ruin this for me!

Sammy: What you swattin' at?

by rremundo July 7, 2006

102πŸ‘ 5πŸ‘Ž


uncle rick

The troll of the trolls, the king troll, the creator of Percy Jackson and all of it's awesomeness.

Wow did you see that tweet from uncle Rick?
Yes, he's such a troll.

by sophiealexer November 4, 2014

162πŸ‘ 8πŸ‘Ž


Uncle Samsonite

Uncle Samsonite is a mythical beast started by the youtuber Jake Bowen. His origin derives from a video of Jake, his twin brother Larry, and one I could not identify where it shows 3 people watching TV, one dressed as 'Uncle Samsonite'. In later years Jake Bowen came back with an animated video called 'Uncle Samsonite Pays a Visit'. This eventually turned into the youtube series known as Uncle Samsonite. In this youtube series Uncle Samsonite is eating the soul of Jake. The trademark song of this youtube series would have to be Ginuwine - Pony.

It's time to have some fun... With Uncle Samsonite!

by defnotdgrawns March 2, 2017

88πŸ‘ 3πŸ‘Ž


Uncle Juan

Hispanic version of an Uncle Tom. Uncle Juan is subservient to the dominant culture in hopes of winning favoritism. Uncle Juan's deride their ethnic roots and try to distance themselves as much as possible. Often they take pride in not knowing Spanish and are offended when Spanish is spoken to them. They generally view Hispanic culture as inferior and exhibit culture self loathing. Example, Trump supporter and Uncle Juan Marco Guitierrez warned that if Trump loses there will be "taco trucks on every corner"

Juan is such an Uncle Juan, he even went so far as to change his name to John.

by Biggleswurth September 19, 2016

236πŸ‘ 14πŸ‘Ž


mongolian uncle

Mongolian uncles are uncles from mongolia. They can accomplish any task efficiently without disturbing Zara Employees

Me and my Mongolian Uncles robbed the local Zara, there were no casualties

I went fishing with my mongolian uncle, we caught a rare fish

by ShimPee November 4, 2022