Profuse Masturbation

A common term for excessive masturbation in one sitting, resulting in the penis becoming thickly calloused and shaped like a half used colgate tube. The activity is also used as a motivational/teamwork exercise in some lines of work... i.e. Computer programming and I.T.

-"Hey man, did you go to the seminar yesterday on profuse masturbation?"
-"I couldn't make it in to the office, so I just set up a laptop and used the WiFi in Starbucks."

2👍 6👎

Pitcher Masturbation

verb; the act of males masturbating

Most teenage boys perform pitcher masturbation

2👍 6👎

insult masturbation

a self-inflicted diss

Jack: I'm ugly
Jill: My jokes aren't funny
Oscar: Stop with the insult masturbation, you two!

1👍 2👎

daily masturbational

Daily masturbational, means, fulfilling the i.e. religious, or spiritual quota of the act of self pleasuring. On a daily basis.

Gotta go Gus.

Wait! Where are you going?!

I gotta fulfill my daily masturbational with Father Zed.

Good luck with that.

Thanks Gus, I will.

You will what...?

1👍 2👎

trick masturbating

When you think you are "trick fucking" someone else, but end up screwing yourself in the end.

First used by the American Eagle Air Line Pilots Association on June 13, 2012.

If you try to set a booby trap for someone and it back-fires on you, you just wasted your time trick masturbating.

1👍 2👎

Intellectual Masturbation

Intellectual dishonesty that has a harmful effects to democracy

How to do intellectual masturbation:
1. Idolize theory, even though reality doesn't necessary go along with the theory
2. Find people who are agreed with your point of view (groupthink, filter bubble, echo chamber), and shut down any competing point of view
3. Nurture a superiority complex, that you're an Übermensch, you're far more intellectual than 99.9999999999…% hoo-mans around the world, and dwell inside your ivory tower instead of helping people out from their problems
4. Use any unnecessary words, terms, jargons, acronyms, backronyms, or any language styles that makes you sound intellectual (even though nobody asked)
5. Interrupt and change any discussion topic to become something intellectual when nobody asked
6. Justify unnecessary paywall for accessing knowledge
7. Put other's feet on your own shoes (a.k.a give them unsolicited advices based on your understanding and experiences, ignoring other's experiences)
8. Read any books that makes you look intellectual, even though you don't understand what do you read, and quote it every time you discussing, even though you don't know what are you talking about

2👍 2👎

masturbator in chief

When a sitting president ignores or feebly responds to a natural disaster.

George W. Bush was a masturbator in chief when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans.

1👍 2👎