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The best insult around. The worst music around. No nu-metal bands are tolerable. They all suck. But it's good; it keeps those d-bags away from my music.
Kid A: Dude, want to go play 'Spot The Nu-Metal Kid'?
Kid B: Yeah...<walks into local mall> I win.
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A type of anti-music that became popular in the 1980's and officially died in 1991.
Typical characteristics:
*Women's makeup worn on faces
*Tight, colorful clothing
*Loud, repetive drumbeats
*Guitar has a whiny sound
*High-pitched vocals
*Extreme emphasis on appearance
*Meaningless lyrics about alcoholism, promiscuity, and occasionally substance abuse.
Hair metal is essentially reinvented pop. Whereas metal in the 1960's and 1970's was about various subjects such as politics or personal experiences, hair metal was about hedonism. Hair Metal was the spearhead of teenybopper movement, which was at it's strongest during the 1980's. Were it not for MTV and a legion of gullable fans, hair metal would have never grown into the music-destroying fungus that gave metal a bad name. As it became more synonymous with metal, true metal musicians founded what became known as the trash metal movement, which was shot down in it's initial stages and would re-merge after the death of grunge, which in of itself was a stab at hair metal.
Hair metal is an easy target for anyone with homophobia. Ironically, fans of hair metal are unable to criticize grunge without calling it homosexual.
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N: A Babe, who subscribe to the church of satan worship and headbanging. A hot girl who listens to /plays sludge/death/black/stoner/crusty metal. There are two kinds of metalbabes, the kind with a hulk of a boyfriend who constantly has his arm around her, and luckilly, the kind without a boyfriend.
Babes who listen to metalcore are excluded form this definition
" Man! there were so many Metal Babes at the Nile show last night, but they all had boyfriends!"
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Also referred to as Pop Metal and Glam Metal, Hair Metal was an accidental sub-genre of corporate bullshit that was force fed to America by both the masses of wannabe badasses with teased out hair who apparently thought that the best way into a woman's pants was by dressing like women themselves, and the corporate suck-fest known as MTV.
Those responsible for this heinous crime against rock n' roll and indeed, humanity itself, include such artists as Quiet Riot, Ratt, Motley Crue, Dokken, Bon Jovi, Great White, Whitesnake, Trixter, Kix, and Cinderella. After the whole movement, by the grace of God, fizzled out for a short time in 1987, this wave was replaced by an even cheesier bunch that included the Bulletboys, LA Guns, Poison, White Lion, Winger, Warrant, and Skid Row.
Thankfully there were some glimpses of authenticity during this dark period like Van Halen, Def Leppard, and Guns N' Roses (who score points not only for authenticity and talent but also for the unique ability to share the stage with a volitile gas such as Axl Rose).
guy 1: Dear God... what IS that... that THING? Is that a man or a woman?
guy 2: Neither... its a hair metalist.
guy 1: a "hair metalist?"
guy 2: yeah... they're undead creatures trapped in a terrifying demention in which there is no distinction between men and women.
guy 1: you mean Anime?
guy 2: no... worse... they stay alive solely by snorting cocaine and fucking groupies
guy 1: Jesus...
guy 2: no. not even Jesus would enter that realm...
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The guy above me.
Guy Above Me : "I am a homosexual, and i lick my cat's pussy every night"
Everyone with decent taste in music : "Yes you do."
Shit Metal = Non-existent
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A non-existant genre of music invented by those freaks out there who like both emo and metal music (not me I swear... *feighns innocence*)
Some random: Hey, there's no such genre of music as Emo Metal!! What kind of person likes emo and metal??!!
me: *whistles innocently and walks off in opposite direction*
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Monkey strummers with knit caps jumping up and down. Playing only two or three muddy bar chords. NO LEAD. They call this nu-metal? I call it Neutered Metal!
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