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When the sudden urge to jizz is so overwhelming that you have to stop everything and have an emergency wank
Jesus Christ. I was at McDonald's drive-thru earlier when I had to abandon the car and run into the disabled toilets for an emergency wank. It was like I was possessed
A group of mates who talk about wanking all the time.
Slaughty: Hey Wankel. How about you have a wank while your at it.
Wankel: Don't worry Slaughty. I already have. I'll let the wank squad know
When she won’t give up the pussy for one reason or another but offers a gratuitous hand job to give your aching nuts some relief.
Rachel had such a heavy flow this month she wouldn’t have sex so she gave me a courtesy wank.
Her nasty yeast infection earned me several days of courtesy wanks.
A wank window is limited time frame in which an opportunistic married man is alone in his home and can therefore peruse 'performing art' videos on the home computer whilst digitally stimulating his phallus. Mission control usually grants wank windows when the wife has gone to Tesco with the kids to do the shopping / gone to see relatives / went out with her mates. Wank windows are known to be tenuous and unpredictable because the wife may return early and the act of self flagellation may have to be aborted.
Courier: I tried to deliver the parcel to number 8 this morning but the bloke wouldn't answer the door. I rang the bell repeatedly but he appeared to be glued to his computer in the front room, ignorant twat!
Boss: How'd he look?
Courier: Funnily enough he was sweating, red faced and seemed utterly focused elsewhere.
Boss: Son, a man's wank window is sacred. When you're married you'll understand.
When you're wanking using just your mental recollections and you begin asking yourself deep questions about the meaning of life, culminating in a more fulfilling view of the universe and life as you bust a nut.
"I just had a philosophical wank and suddenly I see things much clearer"
Where A Man Masturbates Whilst Wearing A Condom.
Henry - "Fuck Did I 'Ave A Good Posh Wank Last Christmas Eve!"
Greg - "You Wanna Be Careful You Dont Snap Your Banjo Cord!"
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Description of the shaft of a penis i.e. the bit that is rubbed during masterbation. Used as an insult likening the victim to the penis.
Give me back my wallet wank shaft!
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