Intellectual Masturbation

Intellectual dishonesty that has a harmful effects to democracy

How to do intellectual masturbation:
1. Idolize theory, even though reality doesn't necessary go along with the theory
2. Find people who are agreed with your point of view (groupthink, filter bubble, echo chamber), and shut down any competing point of view
3. Nurture a superiority complex, that you're an Übermensch, you're far more intellectual than 99.9999999999…% hoo-mans around the world, and dwell inside your ivory tower instead of helping people out from their problems
4. Use any unnecessary words, terms, jargons, acronyms, backronyms, or any language styles that makes you sound intellectual (even though nobody asked)
5. Interrupt and change any discussion topic to become something intellectual when nobody asked
6. Justify unnecessary paywall for accessing knowledge
7. Put other's feet on your own shoes (a.k.a give them unsolicited advices based on your understanding and experiences, ignoring other's experiences)
8. Read any books that makes you look intellectual, even though you don't understand what do you read, and quote it every time you discussing, even though you don't know what are you talking about

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Social Media Masturbation

"Liking" your own post on Facebook or retweeting your own tweet on Twitter

"I look so awesome today" - Liking this comment with a thumbs up beneath it on Facebook or retweeting comment on Twitter is Social Media Masturbation.

Mortal Masturbation March

The female equivalent to Destroy Dick December.
Starting 12AM March, bust a squirt everyday until 12AM April 1. On March 1, squirt once, on the second, squirt twice, and on the third, squirt three times... etc.
No Finger February is a training for Mortal Masturbation March.

Are you ready for Mortal Masturbation March?
Hell ya

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Post-masturbation Depression

Post-masturbation Depression, A.K.A. PMD, is the feeling of depression, and sadness that you just molested yourself. When you have PMD, the victim loses all of his/her sexual appetite.

Mark: Hey Kyle want to go to a strip club?
Kyle: No thanks, I just jerked it and have the worst case of Post-masturbation Depression
Mark: Lame...

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Off the grid masturbation

Solo masturbation that occurs without use of the internet, computers/devices, or television. Such as with magazines, imagination, memories, paper photos etc.

I engaged in some off the grid masturbation when the power went out.

object-oriented masturbation

the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own ego by way of using object-oriented code in places where it has no advantage instead resulting in unnecessary complication and bloat.

Objective: Sum two numbers and print the result in the format “The answer is: X” where X is the sum of the two numbers:

Object-oriented masturbation solution:

function MathLib(){

this.answer = null;
}

MathLib.prototype.sum = function (x,y){

this.answer = x + y;
}

MathLib.prototype.getAnswer = function(){

return this.answer;
}

function Printer(){

this.preText = ”;
}

Printer.prototype.setPreText = function(str){

this.preText = str;
}

Printer.prototype.out = function (str){

document.write(this.preText + str);
}

// To run
var math = new MathLib();
var print = new Printer();
math.sum(1,1);
print.setPreText(‘The answer is: ‘);
print.out(math.answer);

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Post Masturbation Snooze

The overwhelming tierdness recieved after a very successful session of masturbation. The snooze is used as a way to relax and restore the body to premasturbation state.

Boots:" dam dude that post masturbation snooze had me out for at least 2 hours. it was amazing and my cock feels great."

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