shoot my children

To masturbate (you 'shoot' your semen (potential children) when you ejaculate).

Dude1:After seeing Audrey Tautou's nude scene, I feel like shooting my children.
Dude2:You sick bastard.
Dude1:I meant whackin' it.
Dude2:You sick bastard.

10👍 2👎

Shoot me in the face

When someone is doing/saying something that is killing you and you want to get it over with you could use the term ‘shoot me in the face’. This is because when one is shot in the face they don’t feel any pain they simply die :(

You: *Cleans room*
Mom: *Walks in room, finds one sock*
Mom: Why is your room so dirty?
You: (Probably not out loud if you don’t want ur ass whooped) Shoot me in the face.

7👍 1👎

Kentucky shoot out

Two guys lay down opposite ways from each other in a “69” position. They then jerk off in to each other’s mouths. First one to ejaculate wins.

Guy1: my parents are asleep do you want to come over and have a Kentucky shoot out
Guy2: ya sure bro

7👍 3👎

mass shooting apathy

The condition by which our horror over the reports of innocent lives taken, families destroyed, and not enough done to put an end to such gun based mass casualty violence, over time, leads to mere head nods of sadness given how commonplace they have become, and how in order for us to get through the day, we must block out what we felt over "Sandy Hook" or "Columbine," or "Parkland," multiplied by the number of times it has happened since.

It is sad how, while the one hand, I feel terrible over the most recent mass shooting, my mass shooting apathy has kicked as a survival mechanism, and made me feel less than I did when I first heard of the "Columbine" incident.

8👍 9739👎

deep shooting cum

Deep Shooting Cum

When you are in close enough proximity to a man that you have his cock in your mouth, you should also be able to tell when it is about to blow a load. This is the time when you should thrust forward, taking his dick as far into your throat as you can. Swallow as his load (cum) hits the back of your throat and continue swallowing until he's empty. You'll never taste it if you can avoid getting it on your tongue.

I shot my load straight down her throat.deep shooting cum

64👍 27👎

shoot his wad

When a man releases his cum.

He doesn't love you, he just wants to shoot his wad.

22👍 7👎

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

A terrific book by Lynn Truss discussing the importance of grammar while simultaneously giving the basic rules of punctuation. Truss does so in an entertaining way, and she actually makes grammar... fun. (Yes, grammar made fun. Now close your mouth; people are starting to stare.)

If this sentence makes you cringe, then this is the book for you:

"The every day mans mind was blown away when he discovred grammer and it's importance in todays soicety."

"I just finished reading the book Eats, Shoots and Leaves... and MAN, was I entertained!"

Example based on one of Lynn Truss's (double posessive, yes, I realize this):

I just got back from the park. There was a sign that said, 'No Dogs Please.' This is in fact untrue. Many dogs DO please! You can't steriotype dogs into all of the same category! That's just wrong.

* * *

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, and then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air.
"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a poorly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

45👍 19👎