Allah Monkey

Allah Monkey is an idolized monkey that if someone were to swear by it, they would be telling the full truth.

George: Bro, did you actually fuck a dude?
Bhullar: On Allah Monkey I did!

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brothel monkey

A person who regularly frequents brothels and is well known by the people who work there, so much so he/she has a "usual".

Whore 1: You see that guy, he's such a brothel monkey
Whore 2: I know! But he's pays well, he's single-handledy putting my kids through college

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monkey beat

verb: To severely beat somebody in the same fashion and manner as a monkey or ape i.e. with the sides of the fist and forearms, usually in a downward flailing motion. Usually, but not always, said by someone (typically a male) who has hefty forearms and fists that resemble a monkey.

Also, when the attacker is monkey beating someone he is usually does so with little restraint or care for himself or his victim.

"If you change the channel from the Golden Girls I swear to God I will monkey beat you until you are nothing but a wet stain on this carpet!"

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Monkeys of funkyness

The coolest damn monkeys in the world.

When used in conversation, it means; "Why yes, that sounds like an amiable occurrence, old bean."

Chris: "Want to come over on Friday?"
Sooz: "Monkeys of funkyness!"

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Chonklit Monkeys

1. A particularly rambunctious and uncomfortable bowel movement. Normally exceptionally gaseous and a portent of diarrhea. The sensation that two or more monkeys are running around in your lower digestive tract and having a combination boxing match / political debate.

2. THe monkeys that live within the bowels of humans in the graphic novel "I Luv Halloween: Volume II"

Damn, man! I ate the at India Chaat House for lunch yesterday and the whole afternoon I was dealin' with the Chonklit Monkeys.

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wet the monkey

To perform a sexual act involving male genitalia that are moistened by any substance, especially by, ahem, natural lubrication.

I haven't wet the monkey in FOREVER. I'm seriously pining.

Dude, you wet the monkey when you're by yourself? That takes a lot of effort. I normally keep it dry.

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Shuffle Monkey

The person given the arduous task of shuffling the playing cards between turns/games

Take these and do your job shuffle monkey

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