college

an expensive daycare center

I'll be retirin' soon, and the kids is gettin' too old for no one to notice if I kill 'em...

4032👍 699👎

college

Supposedly the best years of your life. More accurately, a hellhole that knows no mercy and loves to beat you down and make you feel worthless. (See UC Berkeley)

College is supposed to be the best years of my life. I now want to kill myself if these are the "best" years.

736👍 119👎

college

A place where you look for a sense of belonging while eating yourself into a food coma.

I ate myself into a food coma in college.

college

A place where you apply to go learn a ton of shit you won't use in your desired profession. Seriously, why the fuck does someone pursuing a major in biology need to take psychology and western civilization courses?

When applying to 4-year-colleges, remember this: they only give a shit about your GPA and SAT scores. So if you're an overacheiving jock in 12th grade with no morals and a lengthy disciplinary history who likes to get drunk and fuck whores on the weekend, then you're more likely to get into a 4-year-college than someone with values who went to a community college that has a 2.65 GPA and an SAT score around 1000. Or, if your family is rich, it doesn't matter how shitty your grades in high school are, you can even get into Harvard if daddy is willing to make a "donation".

If you are somehow able to get into a 4-year-school but don't look like Brad Pitt, you probably won't get laid, unless you can find a girl that is drunk enough.

Going to college and flushing $40,000 down the toilet are the same thing, basically.

703👍 120👎

college

the worst idea I've ever had.

I'm going to be a college drop out in about 5 seconds.

400👍 74👎

college

High school that costs 40k and has ash trays and a better library and features even more useless knowledge

Dude: this is just like high school with hotter chicks.
Dude2: YA

1940👍 401👎

college

Aplace were people go for one or two of the two possible reasons.
reason 1: To smoke lots of pot, waste your parents money and get kicked out.
reason 2: To get a piece of paper stating that your brain is full of shit information that you probrably already learned from the "magic schoolbus" and that you are allowed to work somewere other than a fast food restaurant.

Son: Mom, Dad, I got accepted for college.
Mom: That's great son.
Dad: How much will it cost?
Kid: Around 10k.
Mom and Dad have heart attacks and die later in the hospital. Kid goes to college, but than drops out cause he's stupid.

THE END

2332👍 499👎