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Did you hear Trump made that fucking hypocrite couch humper his running mate? Yeah I hope he’s prepared himself for the MAGA mob to pull him up on a noose.
A couch guru is an individual who lives on your couch and provides nuggets of wisdom, advice, and the dankest weed hook-ups. The couch guru sustains themselves by consuming Mountain Dew, Doritos and porn. Example: the guy on the couch from Half Baked.
My couch guru hooked me up with a new water bong and advised me on how to fix my relationship with my father.
Verb
When a living organism has spent extensive amounts of time on a piece of furniture called a couch (at least 7 hours) then refers back to this experience
I've watched tv till my eyes have started burning & I've eaten so much crappy food today I think I could vomit all while I've couch potatoed.
The temporary placement of spent tampons on a lover’s chest for sake of efficiency (to forgo delays of proper disposal) and tidiness (to prevent the staining of expensive linens) to expedite consummation during moments of intense emergency-level passion, drunken disorientation, or squalid apathetic laziness.
“Sure baby, you can let your dogs on the couch.”
When you need to go and jerk off.
Yo guys i'll join back in the party in a bit i gotta go move a couch.
a chic who could do something with themselves but opts for marathons of wheel of fortune, chain smoking and not seeing daylight for long stretches of time, but complains about being bored and having no friends online
that chic used to party ,but now she doesnt do shit but memorize the internet and watch gameshows! she really bloomed into a couch flower!
when you are asked if your going somewhere
“are you going to the store?”
“cough couch yes/cough couch no”