Joking my ass

Joking my ass - something so Preposterous that my ass isn’t confident with the premise. Therefore if Jacob says I done caught 5 alligator last night… Jacob your joking my ass!

Mike done fucked sally!
Wait wait hold up you joking my ass ?

all jokes aside

It's kind of a Funny story but it's true.

I like Working with Poop for Pay but All jokes aside being a janitor stinks.

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someone's got jokes!

Response for when someone says something they thought was really witty, when in fact, it was not.

Jeff: Can anyone guess what song this is?
Sarah: Your mom's song!
Justin: SOMEONE'S GOT JOKES!

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fat joke comebacks

so someone makes fun of you cause your fat. what do you do. stutter about their ugliness? or play off your own body structure. you decide ;)

Dude 1. Man your such a fat ass!
Dude 2. The only reason im so fat, is cause everytime i fucked your mother she gave me a cookie.

Dude 1. Why the hell are you so fat?
Dude 2. Hey.... Im fat, your ugly. I can lose weight.

Theres two of my favorite fat joke comebacks ever.

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For legal reasons that's a joke

Used in the context of someone saying something offensive in a humorous manner and fearing potential repercussions

John:"Pineapple belongs on pizza"
Mod: *clears throat*
John"for legal reasons that's a joke"

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Bell's Jokes Law

Bell's Jokes Law states that the potential funniness of a joke is inversely proportional to its length.
Thus, long jokes, with excruciatingly long build-ups and high expectations rarely generate belly laughs, whilst short ones can easily take you by surprise and induce spontaneous mirth.

Long joke: An Scotsman, a trout, two donkeys and a nun went blah, blah, blah, blah...... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and do you know what the nun said?
Get trout of my house and take your key Dons with you. :O/

Short joke: What should you do if you find a trumpet growing in your garden?
Root it oot! :O)

Man - 'Hey, those two jokes just demonstrated Bell's Jokes Law!'

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Dead Baby Jokes

any joke or attempt to get others to laugh while making light of dead babies. These tend to have a large amount of shock value, and sometimes shouldn't be told in the office.

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a children's playground!

Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck
load of bricks?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A1: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby.
A2: Take your foot off its head.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

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