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A wonderful place to work. You control every clock in the universe and stop time to fuck with people. A bunch of sadists. Love getting Taco Bell for lunch and spilling salsa on their keyboards
Person one: I need a knew watch, what do you recommend?
Time Clock Plus employee: honestly I’ve put every watch we have up my ass at one point so whichever you choose will give you shit battery life but can fully be submerged without dying on you
The time when events go south at a bar or series of bars close to each other(Caroline Street in Saratoga Springs on a Friday or Saturday night) A time when fights break out, people get thrown through windows stabbings and even people getting shot. The timing is fluid, it can start anywhere between 11pm to 4am and happen multiple times despite a large police presence.
Hey, let's get out of here, ugly o clock has just started and I don't feel like dealing with some chode who going to try to pick a fight with me.
The act of rolling over and clinging to the other person in bed with you when the alarm clock sounds. This type of hug resembles a spoon technique, with a strong resemblance to the way young monkeys cling to their mother in the wild.
When the xylophone alarm clock went off, I gave Sandy the Alarm Clock Monkey Snuggle. I didn't want her to get up, so I pulled her close as she hit the snooze button.
When the alarm clock went off, I scrambled to give her the Alarm Clock Monkey Snuggle to get a few more minutes of time before going to work.
Ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time
Do hungry time-travellers ever go back four seconds
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
I was going to grow some herbs but I couldn't find the thyme...
They're finally making a movie called clocks. It's about time.
What do you call a story that one clock tells to another? Second hand information.
We call our dog Rolex, since he’s a watchdog.
What happens when you annoy a clock? It gets ticked off.
What did the robber say to the clock? Hands up!
Why did the man sit on his clock? He wanted to be on time.
If I wanted to have the time of my life, I would work in a clock shop.
I can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in...
Why didn’t the clock work? It needed a hand.
When a person, usually your spouse or in-law, tries to pin you down to a certain time even though they know certain aspects are out of your control and they are pretty aware you will be not arriving when they want you to.
After the question is posed in several ways, the offender usually succumbs and blurts out a time they know will make the spouse happy but is totally implausible, thus hanging themselves based on the time they were coerced into stating.
Wife: So what time will you be home tonight?
Husband: I am not sure because of this 5pm meeting today and the usual traffic.
Wife: Usually you are home at 5:45, so maybe you will be here like 5:50?
Husband: When I get home at 5:45 I do not have 5pm meetings on those days so it is hard to say
Wife: How long is your meeting?
Husband: I'm not running it so I am not sure
Wife: Traffic shouldn't be too bad since it's friday so you can probably get here by 6pm I would think, don't you?
Husband: yeah sure 6pm
The husband was effectively put in a clock-noose
A kick in the dick to start your day right.
I kept hitting snooze before my interview, so my girl finally got me up with a Glizzy Alarm Clock.
A clock that, after having been bitten by a zombie, uses blood-coagulation rates to calculate approximately how long until you will become a zombie. When the clock finally counts down to 0:00:00, you are craving brains.
Better pull that trigger before her zombie clock hits zero....