Random
Source Code
Random
A Captain Slock Is when you pretend you are going to stick your penis into a womans mouth and instead dick slap them real fucking hard
Dude:"i gave my girlfriend a Captain Slock yesterday all you heard was that loudass smack"
Dude's Friend: "What did she do?"
Dude: "She tried to slap me with her vagina flaps"
3👍 6👎
When a man uses another man's baby batter (cum) and gargles with it making a "ARRRRRGH" sound, similar to a pirate.
When Mr. Deez ask the man what he would like him to do, he simply said "Captain Deez, please".
3👍 6👎
While on her period, a woman opens up the vagina lips and rides her partner's mouth to orgasm. To do a full Captain Morgan, she must also swipe the vagina lips vertically down her partner's chin to resemble the goatee beard. Then when done, she stands up and puts one foot on his chest, declaring conquer and emulating Captain Morgan.
She can also Baba Booey the person before declaring conquer.
He said he didn't mind that I was on my period and that he was dying to eat me out. So I Captain Morgan'd him and added a Baba Booey for good measure.
14👍 49👎
(noun): One who states the obvious as if he/she did not know this before; One who is trying to keep a secret and gives too many hints as to what it is; (antonym: see obviousman
"Eew, that guy is picking his nose!"
"Well, thaaaaank you, captain obvious!" | "We are standing in 3 ft. of blood."
"Captain obvious strikes again"
8👍 26👎
start off fucking her from behind. pull your dick out and get it in her ass as quickly as possible without using your hands. then you have to stay inside and "steer" her around the place like you would a ship. But you can't use your hands to hold onto her at any point.
I didn't think she could run that fast, but then I guess she's never done a captain's mast either.
6👍 14👎
Borrowing from other Captain ranked negatives(see Captain Obvious and Captain Hindsight) a Captain Schultz is the douche canoe at the worst end of the dish it/take it spectrum. Usually running a joke/prank farther in the ground than acceptable to even the least socially adept individuals (Ex. Carrot Top, Jeff Foxworthy, or an adult with downs that has been telling the same knock knock joke for 27 years) upon having the same joke/prank pulled on him, stomps around throwing a bitch fit big enough to sap the fun out of any environment.
Usually when someone overreacts to something, the natural reaction is to do it more, not with this person, once you have viewed the sad state of affairs in the wake of their unrelenting diatribe, you call it a loss agree to never walk that forsaken path again.
Carl: You know how Randy thinks its still funny to hide people’s shoes?
Don: You didn’t…
Carl: I did, but I just moved them over a foot and put a towel over them.
Don: That explains it. You need to put the shoes back. He promoted himself to Captain Schultz over it. He smashed open the coffee maker looking for them.
Carl: If he just looks right next to where he put them he will…
Don: Not worth it, just return them, we’ll have someone else tell him they are back. Lets never speak of this again.
1👍 1👎
_______________________________
If you're a true Liquor Captain, fill mug to this line.^
One who drinks alcohol at a rate that would cause the average person to black out, but isn't phased. The Liquor Captain sets full sail to the liquor winds.
"Man, Tristan is a fucking Liquor Captain. He had 20 beers and he's perfectly fine. Most people would be passed out by now but Tristan is still taking shots of Jim Beam."
1👍 1👎