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christian is a fucking girl who is so damn tired of looking up a defention of her name & it popping up defentions about guys or religious shit
“fuck allaatt bullshit” Christian says CHRISTIAN THE GIRL sAyS
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n. A Christian is someone who believes an omnipresent omnibenevolent deity exists who understands and comprehends everything in all of it's intricacies, no matter how small or mundane. Perhaps more miraculous than the being itself is the unwavering denial, even in the wake of 9/11, and Slavery, and the Holocaust, and the child sex rings in Cambodia, and the dark ages, and the use of an atomic bomb...twice...on civilians.
"Police say a Forrest City, Arkansas man has been charged with raping his 8 day-old baby."
Child: Mom why did the man hurt the baby?
Mother: Well sweety, the baby simply didn't pray hard enough, if the baby had been a good christian and taken notes, not only would it have avoided rape, but would be rich and peeing on underage girls like that upstanding R. Kelly fellow. That man can pray, and it shows! *sigh* It's good to know that there's a force of perfect good keeping everything in balance
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The devotional worship of a 2,000 year old mythical dead Jew on a stick, as Chriatianity prefer Jews in that condition.
In Christianity, churches have a dead Jew on a stick hanging on the wall.
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The belief that a jewish Zombie who can make you live forever in paradise if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree... yeah, I can understand why that's the world's most popular religion
Why is it that there are people who believe in Christianity, who look down on Scientology? The two are just as plausible (not at all)
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A person who believes a person named Jesus died because he claimed he was God, and supposedly came back to life by unexplained scientific means. Their religious text "The Bible" is divided into two parts, each one contradicts the other. They also share the first half of "The Bible" with the Jewish faith, however they disagree with most of it.
In some weird fashion, Christians identify their Deity (God) as three people in one, explained below.
Jesus- The son, God is somehow his child.
God- The father. Weird.
Ghost- The third part, which we really never hear about but plays a huge role in our "salvation".
Christians are usually identified by their social nature, their biblical teaching tells them to love on another and constantly spread the word of Christ (The Bible). Pretty much Christians are recognized because they are complete assholes, or pussies. Generally the kid who sits at lunch hall alone, and cries at break period. Be wary, if you associate with them they will probaby shove the word down your throat.
Christian: Hello, Good sir! I would like to share the word of Christ, who is also God and the Holy Ghost at the same time!
Person: .....What?
God: Jesus, I am your father's nephew's uncles brother's sister's brother's father's son.
Jesus: I know, for Christianity is the most clear text in the universe. I wrote it!
Parent: You must believe in Christ, or else we will disown you!
Child: But Mom.....!
Parents: Silence! You must be stoned to death for disobedience! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
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Those who practice the religion Christianity.
Sometimes reffering to a name of a person.
They can be found anywhere. They are very easily recognized by seeing if they carry these traits.
Narrow minded, homophobic, sexist and often found believing in imaginary friends.
Common beliefs of a Christian.
- homosexuality is wrong.
- that an imaginary supreme being called god loves them.
- Oh my gawd, Christian is moving schools!
- Oh god, that Christian preacher was annoying as hell.
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A person who believes that Christ is their Savior. Most are kind and polite, but some are complete snobs about it. The latter gets extremely offended when someone has a difference of opinion religiously, but still go around saying everybody else is wrong and that they are going to hell for not having faith. Especially aggressive towards Atheists.
Atheist: I don't believe in God.
Christian 1: I do. That's cool, though.
Christian 2: You're an atheist? FUCK YOU! You're going to hell! Christians have to rule the world!!!11 We should kill all Atheists!!!!1!!
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