mardy arse

A person who is noted for being mardy – that is to say demonstratively miserable. Being depressed doesn't count – the mardy arse revels in unhappiness and broadcasts it via sulking, moaning, whingeing and (in the case of children) crying at the drop of a hat. An element of paranoia will generally be present; the mardy arse permanently feels hard done-to.

Perhaps the key difference between grumpy and mardy is that the former involves more anger and the latter more self-pity. However, in an almost bipolar way, the mardy arse will tend to be someone who mood-swings from mardy to lary – from surly/resentful to surly/aggressive – often when alcohol has been added as a catalyst.

The term is a coarser and therefore more emphatic version of mardy bum (the 'bum' in this sense referring to the buttocks, not a beggar or hobo, and 'arse' being a less polite word than 'bum'). It may be heard in the same Derbyshire, South Yorkshire, Nottinghamshire, Leicestershire zone of the English East Midlands where mardy is commonplace, though principally the city of Leicester.

Where's Jack?
Got beat at darts, and buggered off home in a mood.
Oh, he always was a mardy arse!

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Died in the arse

When something breaks down, malfunctions, stops performing its allotted tasks, or generally just shits itself.

"I was driving my car and it just died in the arse."

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Lipstick arse

When U find yourself trapped in the John scared to pull up your expensive Calvins simply due to your Rusty Bullet Hole apparently feeding a single unpassable turd slowly out onto the paper as if someone had hidden a lipstick dispenser up your arse and was slowly turning the base!

Look, its not my fault, OK? I got a fucking Lipstick Arse situation here! Go on without me and Ill catch you up!

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Arse Bandit

Slang Phrase - Derogatory - Meaning Homosexual

Arse (meaning bottom, bum, rectum, anus)
Bandit (as in thief, Highway man, mugger)

You fucking Arse Bandit! Shit off!

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arse grapes

The bulbous purple grape like structures found to be hanging from the arse of haemorroid sufferers world-wide.

"Geez, my arse grapes are playing up big style! I'm off to buy a rubber ring"

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Arse cream

South African ice cream.

Hey bru? Do you want some tooty fruity arse cream with your braai?

Skelpt Arse

Colloquial Scottish for an ass that has been hit with either a hand or object.

A smacked fanny (US English)
A spanked bottom (UK English)

By the time I'm finished love making he's gonna have a skelpt arse.