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Random
The act of cumming onto one's keyboard after watching a porn video clip.
"Oh damn now I have to clean my keyboard because of my masturbation."
121👍 71👎
Something a man has no choice to resort to when most of the women he messes with:
a.) are at work
b.) are at school
c.) don't feel like fucking
d.) don't feel like PICKING UP THE GOD DAMNED PHONE!!!!
No examples for masturbation needed! You know damn well what I'm talking about, and if not, TOO GOD DAMNED BAD!
397👍 262👎
The act of stimulating ones own sex organs. Regarded as "empowering" when done by a woman; regarded as "gross" when done by a man.
Girl #1 "Like, ohmygod, I just bought a new dildo, and masturbated all night long last night!"
Girl #2: "Like, omygod, you are like so empowered, and sexually liberated, and stuff!"
Girl #1: Like, I totally know, right? Masturbation is Amazing!
Girl #1: "Like, ohmygod, I totally caught my boyfriend masturbating the other day!"
Girl #2: Like, ohmygod, what a PIG. That's like, sooo gross.
Girl #1: Like, I totally know, right? Masturbation is Disgusting.
489👍 336👎
Someone who is an excellent bait user when fishing. These people enjoy a simple life and usually do not like inappropriate online content.
Person1: Hey, did you see the latest video on Pornhub?
Person2: Eww, no way, I'm a masturbator
Person1: Oh, so do you like fishing?
Person2: nO, i'M a MaStUrBaToR tHaT dOeSn'T lIkE fIsHiNg. Yes I love fishing!
Person3: Hey guys, what's going on?
Person1: Shut the fuck up!
Person2: Yea, nobody likes you!
14👍 5👎
When you're horny enough, what you do when you're too chicken or virginal to grab a partner to do it with you. Can be simple or complex; depending on how horny or depraved you are.
Guys: stroke their penis.
Girls: rub their clitoris in a circular motion, or stick various objects inside themselves.
Guys usually find masturbation through friends, whereas girls tend to find it on their own.
Guy: Ahhh. Playboy.
Girl: Ahhh. Porn and cyber sex.
Guy: Oooh... oooh... wow, those boobs are HUGE... (mentally: Damn, why can't I get a girl? Oh well, I'll masturbate) whoa... (slips hands into pants)... yeah... yeah... (strokes himself)...holy shit, she's hot... whoa... (comes) Ahhh. Satisfaction.
Girl: Wait, she does what? (aroused) He sticks his... oh... (fantasizes about opening door and grabbing boy next door but knows she is only a virgin... Sex can wait, masturbate!)... he flips up her skirt... sucks on her breast...ahh... (slips one hand under blouse, other inside underwear)...omigosh, he's eating her out...(strokes her clitoris in a slow circular motion)... Wow! Wow! (picks up speed) Omigosh, this is so hot! (moans) Oh... (screams expletives in ecstasy)... ahh...ah...(explodes in pleasure) Ahhh. (sticks finder inside for good measure, then pulls it out and smiles in bliss)
4537👍 3264👎
the act of pleasing thy self with sexual alone time by forcing massive ejaculation.
Mike performed masturbation on his bed conforter & it left a stain(the stain is still there,true story.)
52👍 27👎
The act of self stimulation by stroking, rubbing, or pulling your genitals. Men usually rub, sometimes women will buy dildos or finger themselves. Masturbation can result in ejaculation if the person is stimulated enough. Men/women usually perform this act when intercourse is not an option.
For people with small brains:Masturbation is touching your penis to make it feel good, or for women sticking their fingers in their vaginas.
Guy 1:Sheila is too tired to have sex, and I'm bored.
Guy 2:Why don't you try masturbation?
Guy 1:Isn't that for complete losers?
Guy 2:No dude, it's completely normal and healthy.
Guy 1:I might try it, then.
24👍 11👎