Rural Dictionary

Anakin

He is brave, sarcastic, perfect, and strong. His smile is to die for and his laugh could stop the world in its tracks. He is beautiful, in all aspects. A lover of a variety of tv shows and excessive movie marathons, he is sure to find a witty pun to send make you wet your pants. He is put simply, one in a million.

"Anakin?"
"Yeah!"

"He sounds really cute."

by growing_pains September 16, 2014

8👍 3👎

Anakin

The dimwitted husband of the equally dimwitted Padme Amidala. Was possibly even more whinier than his wife and that was probably the reason why Obi-Wan let him burn slowly and agonizingly at Mustafar. Inside, I bet, Obi-Wan was dancing with viscious glee knowing he had finally got one back at:

1. Qui-Gon Jinn for making him promise to train the stupid brat.
2. Anakin himself for putting up with the brat's shit for over a decade.

Obi-Wan could of easily nuked Anakin out of existence but instead he choose the sadistic path of immolation as his ultimate and final revenge on this sad son-of-a-slave-bitch. Anyway, back to the Galaxy's biggest whinge-bag. Throughout the new trilogy Anakin alternately whines about his life, his mom, his life, his mom, etc. etc. how it is so unkewl he isn't made an uber-l33t Jedi master by the Council blah blah. Padme being the dimwit she is thinks this is Anakin being deep and soulful, and falls in love with him and worst still... has sexxors with him and produces spawn. Yeah, well it is PADME. Anyhow, when Anakin isn't bitching his ass off, he spends his time thinking about how schmexy Padme is and how he desperately would love to hook up with her and make babies. Unfortunately, (perhaps fortunately for him), his pipe dream comes true and we are all forced to witness the worst love scenes ever as a result of this.

At this point, even the viewers are frothing with insane rage at this man or really, over-grown teenage boy. Obi-Wan feeling the audience's pain concocts up some bullshit story about Anakin, feeds it to Padme and watches as their relationship goes downhill so he can finally jump in, slowly and painfully kill the bastard and thus release not only himself but the audience from this horror of a character.

However, despte his lack of intelligence, whinginess and disgusting amounts of Padme fawning, Anakin does happen to possess two tools that work to his advantage. He, like his wife, happens to be in possession of extreme good looks and thus most female Star Wars fan being so dazzled by his good looks forget he is a total dickwad and like Padme disgustingly drool all over him. His second tool is that he turns into Darth Vader. Darth Vader is badass. Darth Vader is awesome. Darth Vader said 'NOOOOOOOO!' and suddenly he isn't so scary anymore. Damn you George Lucas! Or we can all convienently forget about that piece of horrible VA and directing, and focus on the rest of Vader's badassery. Even if we aren't half as scared anymore.

"Anakin is like Padme, all pretty, no filler!"

"Some people say Luke is not Anakin's son. That's wrong, they both share the common trait of whinginess and disgustingly fawning over a girl, this is particularly disgusting when it comes to Luke though."

by Master Tonberry II June 8, 2007

54👍 42👎